medical

Patient: “My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?” Doctor: “A shoebox!”

An Italian doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. “But how will I let you know the baby is born?”…

The voluptuous blonde entered the dentist’s office in an obvious state of agitation. She sat down in the chair and fidgeted nervously as the dentist prepared his utensils. “Oh, doctor,” she exclaimed, as he prepared to look into her mouth. “I’m so afraid of dentists. Why, I think I’d rather have a baby than have…

I shall seek and find you, I shall take you to bed and have my way with you, I will make you ache, shake, and sweat until you moan and groan. I will make you beg for mercy, you will beg for me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point that you will…

The doctors were talking about their work. “I had great success with one of my patients,” said the first doctor. “When he came to me, he thought he was as small as a mouse.” “And you cured him?” the second docter asked. “I convinced him that many of the world’s greatest men were small,” the…

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

Q: Do you know why doctors slap babies on the butt after they are born? A: It knocks the penises off of the dumb ones.

A man and his doctor are discussing a surgery the man will soon undergo. The doctor asks if there are any last questions. “Doctor, will I be able to play my violin after this surgery?” “Of course! Why would you think you couldn’t?” “I couldn’t play it before.”

Guy goes to see his doctor – “Doctor, please help me, I’ve got kleptomania bad!” “OK, take these pills, one a day, but if they’ve not worked in a month, could you get me an LCD telly?”

Grandma Jones from the valley had never experienced a sick day in her life, so she didn’t take it kindly when a bad case of the mulligrubs sent her to the hospital for observation. By the time a pair of husky interns got Grandma tucked into bed, she had managed to complain about everything: the…

Not sure if this is up yet but I haven’t seen it so here it goes . . . A 30-year-old man suffers from massive MASSIVE headaches that dominate his life completely and cause him pain almost every single moment of every day. He’s been going through this pain since he was around 20 and…

10. If it’s wet make it dry. 9. If it’s dry make it wet. 8. Always ask for on-call pay before agreeing to overtime. 7. Never tell management what you are really thinking. 6. Never finish report with, “You have an easy assignment”. 5. Never say. “This looks like a easy assignment”. 4. Don’t expect…