medical

Love is in the Air An elderly French man was slowly walking down the countryside, admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young couple, naked, making love in a field. Getting over his initial shock he said to himself, “Ah ze young love …ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers,…

Did You Know …. Did you know that in the human joke there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus? It is called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a crappy outlook on life. If you don’t believe it, pull a hair from your ass, and see if…

Mrs. Ward goes to the doctor’s office to collect her husband’s test results. The lab tech says to her, “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there has been a big mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent your husband’s samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we…

A doctor who works at the mental hospital wants to take his patients out to a baseball game seeing as they’re so well behaved. He goes to his colleagues and asks them if it’s ok. They don’t want to let him take them in case they misbehave or do something wrong seeing as they’re complete…

“OK,” said the psychiatrist, “let’s try some tests. I’ll draw something, and you say what it reminds you of.” He draws a house, and the patient says, “Sex.” He draws a square, and the patient says, “Sex.” He draws a circle, and the patient says, “Sex.” He draws a trangle, and the patient says, “Sex.”…

Patient: “Doctor, you gotta help me. I’m under a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people.” Doctor: “Tell me about your problem.” Patient: “I just did, you moron!”

Q. Where do Comedians go if they are sick? A. To the He-He-Mergency room!

Q. What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase “HEY MOE.” Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the…

My doctor says I have insomnia, but I’m not going to lose any sleep over it.

It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. – S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen.

A girl goes to her doctor, because she’s found some unusual green marks on her thighs. After the doctor has examined the marks, she asks the girl some questions so that she can determine the cause. “Do you have a boyfriend?” “Yes.” “Can you describe him?” “Ok; he’s tall, dark, and works at the fairground.”…

Here’s a little list of “Doc-isms” – What doctors say, and what they’re really thinking: “I’d like to have my associate look at you.” He’s going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle. “Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?” You’re crazier’n a loon. Now, if I can only…