medical

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady’s teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves. “Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?” She said, “No, I don’t have any idea.” “Well,” he spoofed,…

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor I have this problem with wind, but it really doesn’t bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent.” “As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office.” The doctor says, “I…

Heard over the hospital public address system: Due to a mix up in Urology, no apple juice will be served this morning.

A man goes to the doctor and says “Doctor doctor! I can’t eat food through my mouth cause it hurts” The doc says “Try eating through your bum, it might help” A few weeks later the doctor sees the man walking down the road in a very weird way, he asks “Why are you walking…

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon, the pastor came to call on her, and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As…

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?” Morris replied, “Just doing…

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test. And best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in your home.…

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. “I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said as he surveyed the worried faces. “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a…

Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy. ”She’s out of control!” the first doctor says. ”She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours. Instead, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours. He almost died!” ”That’s nothing,” said the…

A man walks into a dentist’s and says, “Can you help me? I think I’m a moth.” The dentist says, “You need a psychiatrist, mate.” The man says, “Yes, I know.” The dentist replies, “Well, why have you come in here?” “Your light was on!”

A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it. Once he was in the doctor’s office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when…

A guy walks into a doctor’s office. He has a sausage coming out of his ear, a waffle coming out of his nose, and bacon coming out of his other ear. He says worriedly, “Doc, what’s wrong with me?” The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”