medical

DOCTORS WERE TOLD TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE CONSTRUCTION OF A NEW HOSPITAL WING AT THE HOSPITAL. WHAT WAS THEIR REACTION? The allergists voted to scratch it. The dermatologists preferred no rash moves. The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it. The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve. The obstreticians stated they were…

A veterinarian was feeling ill, so he went to see his doctor. The doctor asked all the usual questions … what symptoms did he have, how long had they been occurring, etc., when the vet interrupted him: “Look, doc, I’m a vet and I can’t ask my patients these questions. I can tell what’s wrong…

A policeman was rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. The doctors operated and informed him that all went well. However, he kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Concerned that there was a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally mustered up the energy to pull his hospital gown…

This guy’s at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife’s been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he’s met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face starts to speak. But…

Things You Don’t Want to Hear When Regaining Consciousness “I don’t know what it is, but hurry up and pack it in ice.” “Hey Charlie, unzip the bag on that one, he’s still moving.” “Blink once for ‘yes’.” “What do you mean we have the wrong patient?” “Why is there a tag on his toe?”…

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. “She’s incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.” said one doctor. “Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!” The…

A man went to the hospital with a sprained ankle. The doctor said, “Don’t worry, you’ll be walking in no time.” He was. The doctor stole his car.

Doctor: What is it that brought you here? Patient: An ambulance. Why?

One night a man and his wife were lying in bed and she was complaining that his penis was small and asked why he didn’t do something about it. The next night thay were in bed and she reached between his legs and gasped, “How did it get so big?” Husband said, “Simple, I went…

The once was a lung doctor waiting outside a patient’s room of who she didn’t know. A different doctor came up to her with a shot canister and said ‘I need you to go in the and draw blood from this guy’ ‘Ok, simple!’ she responded. She walks in the room and there strapped down…

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, “Crushed nuts?” “No,” he replied, “Arthritis.”

After giving a woman a full medical examination, the doctor explained his prescription as he wrote it out. “When you get up, take the green pill with a glass of water. Take the blue pill with a glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another glass…