menwomen

9. Why it’s good to have five pairs of black shoes. 8. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white. 7. Crying can be fun. 6. Fat clothes. 5. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch. 4. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak…

You Know You’re A Mom When… * Your feet stick to the kitchen floor….. and you don’t care. * When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone’s bleeding. * You can’t find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call…

A bunch of men are in a locker room at the gym, just out from the steam room. One man’s phone rings, he answers it. The conversation between him and his girlfriend is as follows: “Hey honey!” “hey…” “I love ya!” “When are you gonna be home to feed us?” “Fuck ya’all! I hate you!…

A young man from Peking and a first generation Chinese American woman get married. On the wedding night he climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring, saying, “My darling, I know this is your first time and you must be frightened.” She says that is true but she will do anything…

A man and his wife were arguing when the man commented smugly, “You know, women talk so much! They talk twice as much as man do!” The wife thought for a while and said, “The reason women talk so much is because they have to repeat everything they say.” The man frowned. Then he said,…

I know this isn’t a joke, but I really need help. I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision. I’ve suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been having an affair. The usual signs – phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out ‘with the girls’…

1. Send him to the store for tampons, telling him to ask which is the best brand. 2. When he tells you he loves you say, “I do, wait, I don’t love you!” 3. Tell him you’re a covicted serial killer everytime he asks you how are you. 4. Spill his favorite and most expensive…

Once I asked a guy, ” Do you love me, or is that a banana in your pocket?”

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship; she goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds; Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. 3. I take my wife everywhere; but she keeps finding her way…

A man walks into a modern art museum, he sees a piece of art, and says, “Look how ugly that is, the nose is all out of shape, and look at those arms, so small and weak, I bet the person who created this is a wimp!” A security guard nearby says, “Sir, that’s a…

Defense Attorney: What is your age? Little old Woman: I am 86 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you? Little old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up…

What’s the difference between man and life? Life is always hard.