menwomen

A man had parked his car in the supermarket parking lot and was walking past an empty cart, when he heard a female voice say, “Mister, are you using that cart?” “No,” he answered…”I’m only after one thing.” As he walked away he heard her murmur, “Typical male.”

Why don’t vegetarian women scream during orgasms? They refuse to admit that a piece of meat gives them pleasure!

Though the walls of our apartment complex aren’t particularly thin, the floors and ceilings act as amplifiers. One night, several months ago, my wife and I were lying in bed. Noticing the repeated constant sound of a bed scooting along the floor and a headboard banging against a wall, we became aware that the occupants…

Q: Why are fingers on the statue of liberty 11 inches long? A: Because if they were 12 inches they would be feet.

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the…

1st woman: I took my son to the zoo yesterday. 2nd woman: Did they accept him?

A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everyjoke wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded, “When we were first married we came to an agreement – I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make…

A man was in a terrible accident, and his “manhood” was mangled and torn from his joke. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn’t cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for “small”, $6,500 for…

A couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the bakery to inscribe the wedding cake with “1 John 4:18” which reads, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” The bakery evidently lost, smudged or otherwise misread the noted reference, and beautifully inscribed on the cake, “John 4:18” “For you…

My Dad is great at raising kids, if he can remember which are his.

One night, a torrential rain soaked South Louisiana; the next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes. Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs. Wilson, waiting for help to come. Mrs. Wilson noticed a lone baseball cap floating near the house. Then she saw…

A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking really good. The woman then…