menwomen

It’s not what you say, but the way you say it. On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: “Time stands still when I look into your eyes.” The girl was very flattered. What the boy had really meant was, “You have a face that would stop a clock.”

One day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could…

Once in medieval times…there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner one night. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest “Weapon”. The first knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon… he pulled down his pants and tied a 5 pound…

Seminars For Males (Prepared and Presented by Females) 1. Combatting stupidity 2. You too can do housework 3. PMS: Learn when to keep your mouth shut 4. How to fill an ice tray 5. We do not want sleazy underthings for Christmas: give us money 6. Understanding the female response to your coming in drunk…

I know that most jokes about women involve the fact that they are not as “smart” as men and they cannot do two things at once. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have never met a woman, no matter what age, who cannot multi-task, all women can multi-task. They talk and piss you…

Mary took her husband Bernie to see a psychiatrist for a check up. After examining him, the doctor took Mary to one side and said, “I have some very bad news for you. There is nothing I can do to help your husband. His mind has completely gone.” “I’m not really surprised,” Mary replied, “Bernie’s…

When the phone rang, she excused herself from the sofa. A few seconds later she rejoined her male companion. “Who was it?” he asked. “My husband,” she replied. “I better get going,” he said. “Where was he?” “Relax. He’ll be late, he’s playing poker with you.”

A young boy asked his mother, “Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?” “Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?” replied his mother. The young boy answered, “The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he’d like to screw the tail…

Two sisters are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing stories on how they died. 1st sister: “I froze to death.” 2nd sister: “How horrible!” 1st sister: “It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about…

A young couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Costume party. The wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party and have a good time. Being the devoted husband, he protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to…

A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane… The lady said to him, “Can you help me remove something from my breast please?” The exciting young man replied, “Wow! It will be my pleasure… So what is it?” “Your eyes, idiot!”

A woman goes into Wal- Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the cash register . A Wal – Mart associate is standing there with dark shades on. She says,” Excuse me , sir , can you tell me…