menwomen

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. “You know, honey,” I said sweetly, “Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married.” “Honey,” he replied with a grin,…

Two women were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, “Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset I’ve lost 20 pounds.” “Why don’t you just leave him then?” asked her friend. “Oh! Not yet.” the first replied, “I’d like to lose at least another…

She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE – she is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT. She is not a BAD COOK – she is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE. She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY – she is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED. She is not CONCEITED – she is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES. She does not want to be MARRIED –…

Men’s Rules for Women ————————— 1) Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us bitching about you leaving it down. 2) Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. 3) Saturday = sport.…

University scientists have released the results of a recent analysis that reveals the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. It turns out that the “hops” in beer contain certain phyto-estrogens, and scientists believe that be drinking enough beer, men may turn into women. In the…

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish. It’s a long story but one that will have you laughing out LOUD! Overview: I had to take my son’s hamster to the vet. Here’s what happened: Just after dinner one night, my son came…

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her. Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful? God: So you will always…

These are all from my experiences. That’s why they’re funny. 1. You build a miniature boat out of a hostess box, water bottles, and duct tape, and float it down a river seven times. 2. You buy a headlamp, move it in circles on the wall, and say it follows wherever my head goes. 3.…

A man and his wife are in the bed watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” He turns to her and says, “Do you want to have sex?” “No,” she answered. He replies, “Is that your final answer?” “Yes,” she said. He then replies, “I’d like to phone a friend.” That’s the last thing he…

1. Happy aniversery! 2. Do I look fat in this? 3. Heres 100 dollars! Buy whatever you want. 4. I think im pregnant. 5. Do you wanna come shopping with me and my friends? We’re going to Victoria’s Secret. 6. I’m cheating on you with 1 other man and 2 women. 7. Hunney… can we…

Once there were twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat. It so happened that John’s wife died the same day that Joe’s boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John. She said, “I’m sorry to hear about your loss. You…

“You could use your old computer to shop for a new computer online. But that seems kind of cruel, doesn’t it? Like asking your dying spouse if he or she has any cute friends.” – Scott Ostler