menwomen

Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy’s wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she asks…

The cat was chasing the rooster around on the farm, then the cat fell in the water and the rooster laughed. Lesson: For every wet pussy there is a happy cock

An epileptic young woman named Camp Was seduced on her couch by a tramp But the first time he squeezed her She had a Grand seizure And broke both his balls and a lamp.

One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared. “I’ll grant you your fondest wish,” the genie said. The man thought for a moment, then said, “I want a spectacular job — a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has…

A wife was in the kitchen making the boiled eggs for breakfast when her husband walked in and asked, “What’s for breakfast?” She turned to him and said, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment.” He, thinking it’s his lucky day, stood her over the kitchen table and they had sex. Afterwards…

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

“You know ‘that look’ women get when they want sex? Me neither.” ~ Steve Martin “Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” ~ Woody Allen “Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” ~ Rodney Dangerfield “Women need a reason…

A young woman asks her mother, “Mom, how many kind of penises are there?” The mother, surprised, answers, “Well, a man goes through three phases. In a man’s twenties, a man’s penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties,…

A woman hurries home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!” The husband says, “Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?” “Doesn’t matter,” she says. “Just get the…

My mother has a “lead foot,” so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when the trooper walked up to the car. “I have never been stopped like this before,” she said to…

I was recently riding with a friend of mine. We were coming to a red light, and he shoots right through it. I ask him, “Why’d you do that?” He tells me this is how his brother drives. We come to another red light, and again, he shoots right through it. I ask him, “Why’d…

You might think that some guys are hot. Their boyfriends think that, too!