menwomen

1. Happy Anniversery! 2.You’re wearing THAT to the party!!?? 3.Do I look fat in this? 4.You didn’t know it was my birthday today!? 5.Oh my god! Can’t we just be friends! 6.Listen honey we have to talk… I think, I’m pregnant. 7.Here’s 100 dollars! 8.Hey! Is it okay if some of my friends come over…

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money. The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and…

At a wedding rehearsal, the pastor told the father of the bride, “As you give your daughter’s hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him.” The father, a department store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed his daughter’s hand on his son-in-law’s arm and said, “No deposit, no…

A lady goes to a menswear shop to buy clothes for her husband. When she finds the clothes she likes she goes up to the counter and says, “I would like to buy these please.” The man at the counter says, “Certainly, but you must sign this form.” The lady says “Why?” but the man…

FRIEND: You don’t look so good, what’s wrong? HARRY: I got domestic trouble. FRIEND: But Harry you always said your wife was a pearl. HARRY: Yeah its the mother of pearl that’s the problem.

A Husband and Wife go to the hospital to deliver their child. The doctor meets them and tells them that he has a new system that will allow the father to take part or all of the mothers labor pains. They both agree and the delivery begins. The doctor turns the dial to 10%, so…

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a “Dear John” letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows: Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you’ve been gone, and it’s not fair…

During a break at work, John and Steve are chit-chatting about what happened the previous night: John: “OK, well last night the wife and I decided to go see a play. I waited for 10 minutes downstairs for her to get ready, and we got on our way. So, we’re driving down the street, when…

An old farmer in Georgia had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to…

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Susan went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Susan told her…

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, “It’s a lot of money!” After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president’s office…

100 Reasons Why It’s Great To Be A Guy Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. Movie nudity is virtually always female. You know stuff about tanks. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase. Monday Night Football. You don’t have to monitor your friends’ sex lives. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. You…