menwomen

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship; she goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds; Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. 3. I take my wife everywhere; but she keeps finding her way…

A man walks into a modern art museum, he sees a piece of art, and says, “Look how ugly that is, the nose is all out of shape, and look at those arms, so small and weak, I bet the person who created this is a wimp!” A security guard nearby says, “Sir, that’s a…

Defense Attorney: What is your age? Little old Woman: I am 86 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you? Little old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up…

What’s the difference between man and life? Life is always hard.

Y’know – just when I think I’ve finally figured out women, I wake up!

AT LAST SOMEONE SUMMED IT UP… The nice men are ugly. The handsome men are not nice. The handsome and nice men are gay. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married. The men who are not so handsome but are nice men have no money. The men which are not so handsome but are…

One day, in a hospital, a doctor walked into a womans room, looking very serious. “There’s something wrong with your baby”, he said. the woman bolted upright. “Tell me! What’s wrong with my baby?” The doctor looked her straight in the eye and told her, “Your child is a hermaphrodite.” “A herma-whatta?” she asked. “The…

One evening, impressed by a meat entree his wife had prepared, the husband asked, “What did you marinate this in?” The wife dropped her fork and went into a long explanation about how much she loved him and how life wouldn’t be the same without him. She must have seen the confused look on her…

1. Do not say what you mean. Ever. 2. Cry. Cry often. 3. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or decades ago…or with other boyfriends. 4. Make them apologize for everything. 5. Get mad at them for everything. 6. Demand to be called or e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don’t…

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine’s card at the store In hopes that, later, you’d be my whore. 7. This feels…

What does Hannibal Lecter call Britney Spears? Dinner at Hooters.

An elderly man called 911 and said he thought his wife might be dead. Operator: “MIGHT be dead? Sir, can’t you tell if she is dead?” Man: “I’m not quite sure.” Operator: “Well, what makes you THINK that she could be dead?” Man: “Well, the sex is the same, but the dishes are beginning to…