menwomen

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the wooden toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large…

A couple had been married for a long time, but could never get along very well. Many times, late at night, there would be screams and shouts from their house. The old man often screamed these words at her in public, “I’m sick and tired of you! When I die, I will come out of…

A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, “Who is this?” “This is the maid.”, answered the woman. “We don’t have a maid!” “I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house.” “Well, this is her husband. Is she there?” “Ummm …. she’s upstairs in…

When you are dating….. Farting is never an issue. When you are married ….You make sure there’s nothing flammable near your husband at all times. When you are dating….. He takes you out to have a good time. When you are married ….He brings home a 6 pack, and says “What are you going to…

I had been seeing David for a couple of months; he and I both had children from previous marriages. My daughter Amanda has a slight learning disability and is very outspoken. She just tells it like it is and if you don’t like it … oh well. We were all at David’s house, sitting on…

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy

What do you do if you find your old man staggering around the backyard? Shoot him again!!!

Two guys are moving about in a Walmart when their carts collide. One says to the other, “Excuse me, but I’m looking for my wife.” “What a coincidence, so am I, and I’m getting a little desperate.” “Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?” “She’s tall, with dark hair, long…

An English teacher wrote this phrase on the board and asked her students to properly punctuate it: “Woman without her man is nothing.” MEN WROTE: Woman, without her man, is nothing. WOMEN WROTE: Woman! Without her, man is nothing.

A recent survey shows that 95% of men admit to pleasuring themselves sexually… and that the remaining 5% are liars!!

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: “For Women Only.” Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor,…

A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy. “Nothing easier,” Twain replied. “No man can serve two masters.”