menwomen

Do you know why single women can’t fart? Because they don’t get assholes untill they get married.

For all you Blonde ladies out there. Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to…

At 85 years of age, Wally married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.…

Two old pilot friends in the Air Force were talking about the day’s activities: Jenkins (first pilot): Did you hear? Captain Smith jumped out of a B-1 bomber, without a parachute, and he wasn’t hurt! Randy (Second Pilot): That’s impossible! The fall would have killed him! Jenkins (shakes his head): The bomber hadn’t taken off…

“So,” Jane asked the detective she had hired. “Did you trail my husband?” “Yes, ma’am, I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment.” A big smile crossed Jane’s face. “Aha! I’ve got him!” she said gloating, “Is there any doubt what he was doing?” “No ma’am,”…

A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening. As it turned out, however, the wife wasn’t having a good…

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We’ve discovered that when I’m in a good mood it turns green. But when I’m in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next…

A fathers rules to dating; Rule One – If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. Rule Two – You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at…

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to…

One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. “What the…?,” he said to himself as a little blue dust cloud appeared when he shook them out. “April!” he hollered into the bathroom, “Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?” She shot back, “It’s not talcum powder. It’s ‘Miracle…

LITTLE MISS MUFFET’S MOTHER: “Well, all I’ve got to say is if you don’t get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there’ll be a lot more spiders around here!” ALBERT EINSTEIN’S MOTHER: “But, Albert, it’s your senior picture. Can’t you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something…?” GEORGE WASHINGTON’S MOTHER: “The…