menwomen

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said, “Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?” To which the farmer replied, “Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!”

The Indian chief introduced his wife to a newspaper reporter; “This is Three Horse.” “That’s a picturesque name,” said the reporter. “Does it have deep symbolism?” “Yes,” the chief replied. “Nag, nag, nag!”

With a man soon to celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary at the church’s marriage marathon, the minister asked Pete to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to maintain his marriage with the same woman all these years. The husband replied to the audience, “Well, I treated her with respect,…

(A man comes to my register with a mint chocolate candy bar.) Me: “Anything else?” Customer: “Can you break a $100 bill?” Me: “Actually, I can’t. We just opened and I haven’t gone to the bank today.” Customer: “Oh, no! Do you know anywhere I can get change? I need this candy right away!” (At…

If Men Were in Charge of Weddings There would be a “Rehearsal Kegger” rather than a “Rehearsal Dinner.” Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines. The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up ’73 Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame…

A man is running out of his large office building when his boss spots him and asks him what he is doing. The man replies, “My wife called me and she says she is going to jump out our window and commit suicide.” The boss realizes that this is a good excuse, but says, “Well,…

Stalking into a police station late one night, a man demands to speak to the burglar who broke into his house. “Sorry, that’s against the law,” says the desk sergeant. “You don’t get it,” says the man. “I need to know how he got in without waking my wife.”

Getting a new girlfriend is like joining the Army. You get a new haircut and new clothes, and all information is given to you on a need-to-know basis.

10. What do you mean “today’s our anniversary”? 9. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I’d rather just watch TV. 8. Ohh, this diamond is way too big! 7. And for our honeymoon we’re going fishing in Alaska! 6. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I’m tired of being “just friends”.…

A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage counsellor. The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they were adamant. “So,” said the counsellor, “you know the consequences and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally.” The wife flared up.…

My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things change as you have more children: The First Step First child: My wife grabbed the camera; I grabbed the video camera. My wife took four rolls of film. We immediately…

A woman and her lover are in bed, when there’s a knock on the door. She says, “It must be my husband! Ok, I’ll handle this.” She grabs the trash bin, opens the door and, smiling sweetly, says to her husband, “Darling, please empty the trash.” While he is out, the other man escapes and…