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The following are 10 ways to tell if you have PMS, 1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet. 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You’re using your cellular phone…

It is important – 1. It is important to find a woman who is a good cook and housekeeper. 2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money. 3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have sex regularly. 4. It is important that these three women never meet.

NAPOLEON’S MOTHER: “All right, Napoleon. If you aren’t hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it!” CUSTER’S MOTHER: “Now, George, remember what I told you – don’t go biting off more than you can chew!” ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S MOTHER: “Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can’t you…

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette. 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. Your using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, “How’s my driving?…

A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they’d have to drastically alter their life-style. “If you’ll just learn to cook,” he said, “we can fire the chef.” “Okay,” she said. “And if you learn how to make love, we can…

Shakespeare: If you love someone, Set her free …. If she ever comes back, she’s yours, If she doesn’t, here’s the poison, suicide yourself for her. Optimist: If you love someone, Set her free …. Don’t worry, she will come back. Suspicious: If you love someone, Set her free …. If she ever comes back,…

The following is a basic guide to Valentine’s Day survival for men, which was faxed to Robert Kirby, The Salt Lake Tribune, by the nice ladies down at “Romance Anonymous,” formerly known as “Men Are Pigs But We Can’t Kill Them.” STEP ONE: The minimum requirement is to let the woman know you care. The…

Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends’ and relatives’ birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on. I went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do…

US tourists, a man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, “I’ll give you 100 camels for your woman.” After a long silence, the husband says, “She’s not for sale.” The indignant wife says, “What took you so long to answer?” The husband replied, “I was trying…

Men’s magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women’s magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female joke is a beautiful work of art, while the male joke is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a…

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment – shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. – he placed the boy in the chair. “I’m goin’ to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,” he said. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” When the boy’s…

A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re…