menwomen

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job. 2. It is important that a man makes you laugh. 3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn’t lie to you. 4. It is important that a man is good in bed and…

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: “Some parents,” she said, “tell the older child, ‘We love you…

I heard you got a baby. Dad: Yes, and I am very happy. So what about the wife? Dad: She still doesn’t know.

Wife : “I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars.” Husband : “How about the ones like mine?” Wife : “Those they gave away.” Husband : “I had a dream too . . . I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts.…

A couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, and are watching the auctioning off of reproduction bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: “A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year.” The wife nudges her husband in the…

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our 10th child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I…

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a…

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.” Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his…

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been known about the town, and on this very special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. “Well”…explained the husband…”it all goes all the way back to our…

If you do not want to say you’re a guy, do not read this joke. (I do not know if this is funny) Instructions: At the end of each sentence say “I’m a Guy” You meet this hot girl. (I’m a Guy) You ask her out. (I’m a Guy) You take her to the movies.…

A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Wife -Cold As Ever.’” “Yeah?!” she replies. “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Husband -Stiff At…

PAUL REVERE’S MOTHER: “I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!” MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY’S MOTHER: “I don’t mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?” MONA LISA’S MOTHER: “After all that money your father and I spent…