menwomen

A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening. As it turned out, however, the wife wasn’t having a good…

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We’ve discovered that when I’m in a good mood it turns green. But when I’m in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next…

A fathers rules to dating; Rule One – If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. Rule Two – You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at…

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to…

One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. “What the…?,” he said to himself as a little blue dust cloud appeared when he shook them out. “April!” he hollered into the bathroom, “Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?” She shot back, “It’s not talcum powder. It’s ‘Miracle…

LITTLE MISS MUFFET’S MOTHER: “Well, all I’ve got to say is if you don’t get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there’ll be a lot more spiders around here!” ALBERT EINSTEIN’S MOTHER: “But, Albert, it’s your senior picture. Can’t you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something…?” GEORGE WASHINGTON’S MOTHER: “The…

3 married women are sitting around chatting about their married life and eventually the subject of birth control comes up. The 1st woman says, “Well, we use condoms and they seem to work ok; we only have 3 children after 20 years of marriage.” The 2nd woman speaks up. “We use the pill and it…

A gay couple (of guys) and a lesbian couple decide to leave from New York to Miami at the same time. The two couples are neighbors and they plan on driving the same route. so the question is who gets to Miami first? Why the lesbians of course! They go lickety split while the guys…

How women think about sex: At 8, ignore it. At 18, experience it. At 28, look for it. At 38, ask for it. At 48, beg for it. At 58, pay for it. At 68, pray for it. At 78, forget it.

A woman took her next-door neighbor with her when she went to the police station to report her husband was missing. “Could you give me a description of your husband ma’am?” the officer asked. “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 2, weighs approximately 190 pounds, has a very athletic build, gorgeous blue eyes, dark hair,…

A jumbo jet is just coming into the Tampa Airport on its final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom, “This is your Captain. We’re on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Tampa Bay.” He forgets to switch…

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice…