menwomen

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. “I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum.” “You gave a bum five whole dollars? That’s a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about…

“Uh huh,” “sure, honey,” or “yes, dear” Translated: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response. “It would take too long to explain” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.” “I was listening to you. It’s just that I have things on my mind.” Translated: “That girl standing on the corner is a real babe.” “Take…

The mood of a woman An angel of truth and a dream of fiction, A woman is a bundle of contradiction, She’s afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, But will tackle a stranger alone in the house. Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose, She’ll kiss you one minute, then turn up…

Wife: I always bring your picture with me everyday when I go to the office. Husband: Oh. That must be because you love me so much. Wife: No, it’s because whenever I see your picture, I realize that however hard the problem is in office, I’m lucky with my work because there is a much…

A guy with two black eyes walks into church one Sunday. The priest notices him and is very concerned. “What happened, my child?” “I was singing in the choir, Father, and I noticed that the girl in front of me had a wedgie, so I pulled it out, and she punched me in the eye.”…

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, “Wow, these seats are big!” The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in Texas.” When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the…

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and mixed emotions when he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap; I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.” She said, “You have the biggest penis of…

A woman was having a terrible time sleeping. Her large dog, which slept in the bedroom with her and her husband, snored like a buzz saw. She contacted the Vet who told her of an old remedy that was handed down to him by an old Southern lady. He said when the dog began to…

A cowboy has lived to an extremely old age, and one day his grandson asked him to what he attributes his long life. “Well, you know that every morning, I have a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast,” says the old timer. His grandson nods. “Before I eat it, I sprinkle a little gunpowder on it,…

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, “My dear guests, I have a proposition to every…

Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It’s fun to cook for John. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said, “Beat 12 eggs separately.” The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. Tuesday: John wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, “Serve without dressing.” So…

A woman had an appointment in the morning with her gynecologist and was running late. She hadn’t had the time to give herself a proper washup so she took a washcloth and gave herself a wash in ‘that area’ in front of the sink. She threw the cloth into the wash basket after making sure…