menwomen

When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, “How will we keep from getting separated?” “We’ll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other,” I reassured him. “Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?” he persisted. “Well, then I guess…

A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sport car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. “Look!” she…

A woman goes over to her married son’s house and walks in to find her daughter-in-law sitting in a chair, entirely nude. The mother-in-law says, “What the hell are you doing?” “I’m wearing my love dress,” responds the daughter-in-law, “We haven’t made love in a long time.” So the mother-in-law says, “Hm, maybe I should…

MISSION: GO TO GAP, BUY A PAIR OF PANTS Male Time: 6 min Cost: $33 Mission accomplished? Yes Extra stops: None Female Time: 3 hours 26 min Cost: $876 Mission accomplished? No Extra stops: Macy’s, JC Penny, Sears…etc…etc…etc…

Please note that Banks are installing new “Drive-through” teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. MALE PROCEDURE ———————– 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card…

A king and a queen were ruling a kingdom together, but they weren’t friends at all. The king hated the queen, and the queen hated the king. The queen had a disorder, which had no name. When you asked her a two-way question (e.g. true or false) she will answer the word she heard last,…

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who’s not a creep. One who’s handsome, smart and strong, And doesn’t mind admitting when he’s wrong, One who thinks before he speaks, When he promises to call, he won’t wait two weeks. I pray that he is gainfully employed, And when I…

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future.

What does a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them.

Bernie was invited to his friend’s home for dinner. Morris, the host, called his wife by many endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, “That is really nice. After all these years, you still call your wife those pet names.” Morris hung his head and…

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, “Anyone who can guess what is in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!” An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, “An elephant?” Bessie thinks a minute and says, “Close enough.”

Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, “Surely I can’t look that old”? Well, here is some karma for that. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a…