menwomen

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of…

What do men and sperm have in common? They both have a one in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.

Wife: Will you love me when I’m old and ugly? Husband: Darling, of course I do…

Dear John, I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled and then it broke down about a mile down the road and I had to walk back to get my husband’s help. When I got home, I couldn’t…

Special Cheesecake One of my co-workers decided it was time to shed some excess weight. She took her new diet so seriously that she even changed her driving route to avoid her favorite bakery. One morning, however, she arrived at work carrying a gigantic cheesecake. We all scolded her, but her smile remained cherubic. “This…

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one – “John, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?” “Just a minute, I have to go piss.” The teacher replied “That…

1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they’re actually in control. 2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of “need” is irrelevant, so don’t bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game. 3. Women never have anything to wear. Don’t question the…

A lonely wife brought a man she had just met at a bar home to her bedroom one evening when she thought her husband was out of town. They immediately tore each other’s clothes off and started going at it. She sat up quickly in bed as she heard the key in the lock. “Quick!”…

There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -strong, caring, loving. They’d be wrong, but you could still use them.

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle? If that ever happens, just pull the plug.” His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw…

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. “How much do they run?” he asked the clerk. “That depends,” said the salesman. “They run from $2.00 to $2,000.” “Let’s see the $2.00 model,” he said. The clerk put the device around the man’s neck. “You…