menwomen

A teenage boy with spiked hair, a nose ring, and baggy clothes was overheard telling a friend, “I don’t really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere with them.”

A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor’s for a physical. The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, ”Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?” And the man says, ”Oh me and God? We’re tight. We have a real bond, he’s…

A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant. His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, “What in the world are you doing?” He replied, “I’m waiting for…

Dear Dr. Ruth, I’m writing to tell you my problem. It seems I have been married to a sex maniac for the past 22 years. He makes love to me regardless of what I am doing. Ironing, washing dishes, etc. I should like to know if there is anything thet yiu vwn fi gue hduuen…

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I’ve never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I’ve never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into…

Sam and Abe, in their late seventies, first met years ago in the second grade. Their relationship now is mostly playing cards, telling jokes and making bets. Sam calls Abe and says, “I got a bet for you: I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars!” Abe says,…

Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight’s special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. “The chicken sounds good; I’ll have that,” Hillary says. The waiter nods. “And the vegetable?” he asks. “Oh, He’ll have a cheeseburger,” Hillary replies.

Q:What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: A dog only takes a couple of months to train.

A woman was taking a shower when the doorbell rang, so she put on a towel and answered it. It’s her neighbor Bob. Now, Bob has this huge crush on her, but she’s already married. Bob says to her, “If you drop your towel, I will give you $5,000.” She is thinking that she could…

One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment, killing him instantly. She was brought before the court on a charge of murder.…

A taxi driver, driving a Mercedes-Benz, picked up a rather simple looking fellow at the airport one day. When the gentleman got in and they started on their way he enquired what the three pinned emblem on the front was for. The driver replied, “Why, it’s for lining it up at people so you can…

One day a little boy and a little girl are outside playing together and they get into an argument. The little boy holds up an army man and says ” I bet you don’t have one of these!” The little girl finds her army man and holds it up “Yes I do!” she says in…