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A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re…

Two elderly women were eating at a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel’s ear and she said, “Mabel, did you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?” Mabel answered, “I have? A suppository?” She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, “Ethel, I’m glad you saw this…

If Men Ruled the World Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you.” Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards. If your girlfriend really needed to talk…

A sophisticated lady went into an expensive restaurant. Before sitting, she asked her waiter, “Do you serve crabs here, sir?” The waiter replied, “Yes ma’am, we serve anyjoke in here. Please have a seat.”

How Greeks Do Business CON talks to his son George. CON (father): “I want you to marry a girl of my choice.” GEORGE (son): “I will choose my own bride!” CON (father): “But the girl is Bill Gates’ daughter..” GEORGE (son): “Well, in that case… okay.” Next CON approaches Bill Gates. CON (father): “I have…

There once was a girl named Ann Hyser Who claimed that no man could surprise her. But old Pabst made a push at the Schlitz in her Busch and now she is sadder Budweiser! *This joke was made by Bill Klompus* Go Bill!!

An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife,…

Husband messages his wife on his cellphone: Hi, wat R U doing honey? Wife replies: I’m dying Husband is delighted and jumps with joy, but texts: OMG! How am I gonna live without u? Wife replies: u idiot. I’m dying my hair Husband: *@&!#*/ English

One year, a particular harried husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed…

Q: What is a man’s idea of helping you with the housework? A: Lifting up his legs so you can vacuum underneath them.

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. 2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 3. A successful man is one…