menwomen

What do you call a man who put the toilet seat down after use? Don’t know it’s never happened.

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers. When we get married, our brides get the presents and the publicity. When we die, our widows get the life insurance. What do women want to be liberated from?

These two guys had both just gotten divorced, and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends, and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go, and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a…

An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he…

One night a man is driving in his car and hears police sirens behind him. The man knows that with his car he could never out-drive the cop, so, seeing the officer looks fat and out of shape, he opens his car door and makes a run for it. The chase goes on about 20…

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked joke in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do…

Hunny, you forgot to put down the toilet seat again. Oh my God! you don’t know how to fix a car. Wife says: How do I look? Man: Terrible, go change!

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the wooden toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large…

A couple had been married for a long time, but could never get along very well. Many times, late at night, there would be screams and shouts from their house. The old man often screamed these words at her in public, “I’m sick and tired of you! When I die, I will come out of…

A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, “Who is this?” “This is the maid.”, answered the woman. “We don’t have a maid!” “I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house.” “Well, this is her husband. Is she there?” “Ummm …. she’s upstairs in…

When you are dating….. Farting is never an issue. When you are married ….You make sure there’s nothing flammable near your husband at all times. When you are dating….. He takes you out to have a good time. When you are married ….He brings home a 6 pack, and says “What are you going to…

I had been seeing David for a couple of months; he and I both had children from previous marriages. My daughter Amanda has a slight learning disability and is very outspoken. She just tells it like it is and if you don’t like it … oh well. We were all at David’s house, sitting on…