menwomen

“Congratulations my boy!” said the groom’s uncle. “I’m sure you’ll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life.” “But I’m not getting married until tomorrow,” protested his nephew. “I know,” replied the uncle.

An old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat, when his wife said, “Where are you going?” The elderly man replied, “To the doctor’s.” Surprised, his wife asked “Why, are you sick?” “No,” he said, “I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.” With that, his equally…

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they’re too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get…

This is an actual chatroom conversation from a “local Chatroom” Joe: I wonder what would happen if you had a sleep number bed, and set it to 69? Christy: ? huh? Mike: I dont know, but it sure sounds tasty! Joe: You probably wouldn’t understand Christy, you’re too pure and innocent. Christy: Maybe… sounds more…

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either of them died, the one remaining would try to contact the partner in the world beyond exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word,…

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. – Henny Youngman My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. – Rodney Dangerfield A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. – Milton Berle I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. –…

After a party, one man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. “What are you doing out here at 2 o’clock in the morning?” the officer asked. “I’m going to a lecture,” the man said.…

Hopeless Romantic. Seeking: Filthy Whore

There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman, all talking about their teenage daughters. The Englishman said – “I walked into my daughter’s room and saw a razor on the floor. I didn’t know she was old enough to shave.” The Irishman said – “That’s nothing; I walked into my daughter’s room and saw…

An elderly couple was watching the news when the man farts. The man asks “Was that me, or you?”

Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it.

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new girlfriend’s birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided that a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Debenham’s and bought a…