menwomen

Bernie was invited to his friend’s home for dinner. Morris, the host, called his wife by many endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, “That is really nice. After all these years, you still call your wife those pet names.” Morris hung his head and…

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, “Anyone who can guess what is in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!” An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, “An elephant?” Bessie thinks a minute and says, “Close enough.”

Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, “Surely I can’t look that old”? Well, here is some karma for that. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a…

One day a man was sitting in his favorite chair watching football when his wife walked up behind him and knocked him over the head with a frying pan. When he woke he asked, “What the hell was that for?!?” “I found this piece of paper in your pants while I was doing your laundry…

Before – You take my breath away. After – I feel like I’m suffocating. Before – Twice a night. After – Twice a month. Before – She loves the way I take control of a situation. After – She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac. Before – Ricky & Lucy. After – Fred & Ethel.…

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing lady. Conversation broke out and turned erotic. The lady proposed, “If each of you would give me $1, I would show you my legs.” The men, charmed by her beauty, handed over the money. The lady pulled her dress up a little to show…

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, “I’ll bet you don’t know what day this is.” “Of course I do,” he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office. At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of a…

-Good girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot. -Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons. -Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. -Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it. -Good girls wax their floors. -Bad girls wax their bikini lines. -Good girls blush during…

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon suite. After unpacking, the husband took off his pants. ”Put these on,” he said to his wife. She did and they were nearly twice her size. ”There’s no way I can wear these. They’re too big,” she said. ”Good, now you know who wears the pants…

Ladies and gentlemen, This five-letter-word little thing belongs to men, and no women. Some men have long ones, others shorter. It’s straight in some men, and crooked in others. It may turn soft or hard in just a matter of seconds. Useless to some, it boasts manhood for others. Children wonder about it, young men…

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can’t mow the lawn. Madonna All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others. Henry Youngman To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior’. Rita Rudner This guy says, ‘I’m perfect for you, because I’m a cross between a macho and…

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye. It loudly announced, “$500 Porsche! New!” The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but he said to himself, ‘it’s worth a shot.’ So he went to the lady’s…