menwomen

Becky was on her deathbed, with her husband Jake at her side. He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face. Her pale lips moved. “Jake,” she said. “Hush,” he quickly interrupted, “don’t talk.” But she insisted. “Jake,” she said in her tired voice. “I have to talk. I must confess.” “There…

Some people divorce for good reasons, some for bad. Then there are people who divorce for these reasons: A man from Conneticut filed for divorce because his wife left him a note on the refrigerator that read “I won’t be home when you return from work. Have gone to the bridge club. There’ll be a…

Know why men are men and women are WOmen? Men keep saying – WO man, check out her boobs!

Guide – I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. This is the world’s biggest waterfall and the sound intensity of the waterfalls is so high that even 20 supersonic jet planes passing by cannot be heard. Now, I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagara Falls!

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed, and driving his partner nuts. Finally, his exasperated partner said, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!” The guy answered, “My wife is up there watching me from the…

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, “Martha, I’d like to ride in that there airplane.” And every year Martha would say, “I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.” One year Stumpy and Martha went to…

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. She was so upset that she went up to the man and said, “I was going to park there!” The man, being a real…

Man: Haven’t we been on a couple dates before? Woman: Couldn’t have been. I don’t make the same mistake twice.

15 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR DAUGHTERS: 1. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers. 2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. 3. If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them…

As a senior at Xxxxxx State University in Mixxxxxxx, I often engage women psychology majors in heated discussions about male-female relationships. Once, my friend Shelly and I got into a hot debate about whether men or women make the larger sacrifice of their respective gender characteristics when they get married. To my surprise, Shelly agreed…

CLASSIFIED ERRORS, from a small-town daily: (Monday) FOR SALE – R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 p.m. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. (Tuesday) NOTICE – We regret having erred in R. D. Jones’ ad yesterday. It should have read: One sewing machine for…

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order. The man says, “I’ll have a beer” and turns to the ostrich. “What’s yours?” “I’ll have a beer too” says the ostrich. The bartender pours the beer and says “That will be $3.40…