menwomen

This couple, my mom is friends with at work, just had a baby. The wife, Emily, told Dave, her husband, there needed to be some cutbacks on beer to save money for diapers and such. Dave was very disapointed, as could be imagined, but realized it was for the good of their child. One afternoon…

A guy is stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years. One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.”…

Ed and Ted went to the fair, where they came across a small crowd gathered around a stall. They decided to go over and take a look. “What’s going on?” Ed asked a person in the crowd. “We’re watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine,” he said, nodding towards a fearsome…

John, for heaven’s sake, why can’t you just talk to me once in awhile?” whined Mari. “Huh?” John responded. “Look around you!” she yells, as she points around the room. “All these books. Your head is always buried in books. You don’t even know I’m alive!” “Oh. I’m sorry.” “You know, sometimes I wish I…

Emerging from the chiropractor’s treatment room, a young man said aloud, “I feel like a new man!” “I do, too,” a middle-aged woman responded, “but I’ll probably go home with the same old one.”

DEAR DIARY: DAY ONE All packed for the cruise ship – all my sexiest dresses and make-up. Really excited. DEAR DIARY: DAY TWO Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today – seems a very nice man. DEAR DIARY: DAY THREE In the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding…

During a recent vacation in Atlantic City, a couple went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a woman from the back of the theater yelled out, “Hey, how’d you do that?” “I could tell you, madam,” the magician answered, “But then I’d have to kill you.” After a short pause,…

On wall in ladies room: “My husband follows me everywhere.” Written just below it: “I do not.”

A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmacist: “I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some pertection. How much is a pack a’ them thar rubbers gonna cost me?” The pharmacist responds: “A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax.” “TACKS!” the shocked redneck says. “Gawd…

GOSSIP: something that no one claims to like but everyone enjoys. KISS: To a geographer: The shortest distance between two curves! To a physicist: The contradiction of mouth due to expansion of heart. To an accountant: A credit because it is profitable when returned. OBESITY: A surplus gone to waist. OLD AGE: When you wink…

At the zoo a little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Her mom hurriedly explains, “Oh…they’re just baking cakes.” The next morning the little girl says, “Mommy, Mommy, you and Daddy baked cakes last night!” “Um, what makes you think that?” the mother asks nervously. “Because this morning there was icing all over the couch.”

Are you sick of those stains on your carpet, the mess in the bathroom and kitchen? Are you worried that you will have to spend tons of money just to clean up what your loved one leaves behind? Now, you don’t have to worry because you can have your very own…………………….. new personalized husband!The following…