menwomen
-
Plug Pulling
in JokesA man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle? If that ever happens, just pull the plug.” His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw…
-
Inexpensive Hearing Aid
in JokesA man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. “How much do they run?” he asked the clerk. “That depends,” said the salesman. “They run from $2.00 to $2,000.” “Let’s see the $2.00 model,” he said. The clerk put the device around the man’s neck. “You…
-
How to Shower Like a Man
in Jokes1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the “woo” sound. 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to…
-
Bunty’s Dare
in JokesEthel and Bunty were getting just a little bored in the senior citizens’ home, when Bunty had an idea. “I bet you $100 that you won’t streak round the garden, Ethel.” “You have got a bet,” replies Ethel, so she disrobes and sets off round the garden. Tom and Bob were enjoying a relaxing time…
-
A Prescription.
in JokesA lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist said, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?” The lady explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, “Lord have mercy, I can’t give you cyanide to kill your…
-
Try This on Your Friends.
in JokesAfter everything I say I want you to say “I am a Man.” You go to a bar. I am a man You see a girl and go meet her I am a man You take her home I am a man You get in bed with her I am a man She whispers in…
-
Jewelry
in JokesAt a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. “Don’t you want her name engraved upon it?” asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied, “No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if…
-
What Men Really Mean II
in Jokes“Go ask your mother.” Really means…. “I am incapable of making a decision.” “You know how bad my memory is.” Really means…. “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”…
-
Chores
in JokesMy friend’s husband always teases her about her lack of interest in household chores. One day he came home with a gag gift, a refrigerator magnet, that read: “Martha Stewart doesn’t live here.” The next day he came home to find the magnet holding up a slip of paper. The note read, “Neither does Bob…
-
Walking in a Winter Wonderland
in JokesThink of the beat of the song walking in a winter wonderland while you are reading this… Lacy things — the wife is missin’, Didn’t ask — her permission, I’m wearin’ her clothes, Her silk pantyhose, Walkin’ ’round in women’s underwear. In the store — there’s a teddy, Little straps — like spaghetti, It holds…
-
CLUES TO CALLING IT A NIGHT
in JokesCLUES TO CALLING IT A NIGHT – YOU KNOW IT’S TIME TO GO HOME WHEN: 1. You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are. 2. You’ve just had to get someone to help you pull your undies up in the toilets. 3. You suddenly decide you want to start a fight. 4. In your…