menwomen

As soon as the newlyweds returned from their honeymoon, the young bride called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away. “How did everything go?” her mom asked. “Oh, mother,” she began, “The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time. But, mother, on our way back, Andy started using really horrible…

What’s the quickest way to a woman’s heart? Through her left breast.

Two executives were talking in the executive washroom. “My wife says I don’t display enough passion. Imagine the audacity! I think I’ll send her a memo!”

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring…

This young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather told him, “When you first get married, you want it all the time, and maybe you’ll do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have…

Dick Hurtz (Yeah, we heard ya.) Dick Assman (I wish that last name was superhero name.) Teola doing the Hula to Hawaii (The New Zealand girl who had that name got rid of it in court.) Rusty Kuntz (Ouch.) A. Fucks (Sorry forgot the first name.) (A Brazilian soccer player’s name.)

A couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds the husband said, “Hey honey, you are getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet it’s as big as the gas grill now.” The husband feeling he needed to prove…

A Texan is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everyjoke in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nojoke can…

A man was walking along the beach when he saw bottle. Curious, he picked it up and was wiping the sand off it when out came a genie. “I will grant you three wishes,” said the genie. The man couldn’t believe it. “First, I want ten million dollars in a Swiss bank account.” Poof! The…

(I’m ringing up a customer and notice her last name is the same as mine. I have a very uncommon last name, so I made the mistake of mentioning this…) Me: “Your last name is [name]? Mine, too. Wonder if we’re related?” *chuckle* Customer: *very serious* “What is your name?” Me: “Oh, I was joking,…

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”…

What do you call a woman with no asshole? Divorced.