menwomen

On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, “You should be hung!” I slowly took a long drink from my can of Old Milwaukee Light, wiped…

A ninety-year-old couple was going to bed, and the old lady was feeling romantic. She said to her husband, “I remember, when we were younger, how you used to hold my hand at night.” Grumbling under his breath, her husband reached over and held her hand. Shortly after, she said, “I remember how, when we…

Q: What’s the best way to kill a man? A: Put a pretty blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one. Q: Why do men whistle when they’re sitting on the toilet? A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe. Q: What is the…

A man is flying on a very expensive airline in first class when the sudden urge to relieve himself overwhelms him. He runs to the bathroom to find its occupied. He bangs and bangs on the door but no one comes out. The flight attendant notices the man is in distress so she tries to…

Becky was on her deathbed, with her husband Jake at her side. He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face. Her pale lips moved. “Jake,” she said. “Hush,” he quickly interrupted, “don’t talk.” But she insisted. “Jake,” she said in her tired voice. “I have to talk. I must confess.” “There…

Some people divorce for good reasons, some for bad. Then there are people who divorce for these reasons: A man from Conneticut filed for divorce because his wife left him a note on the refrigerator that read “I won’t be home when you return from work. Have gone to the bridge club. There’ll be a…

Know why men are men and women are WOmen? Men keep saying – WO man, check out her boobs!

Guide – I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. This is the world’s biggest waterfall and the sound intensity of the waterfalls is so high that even 20 supersonic jet planes passing by cannot be heard. Now, I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagara Falls!

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed, and driving his partner nuts. Finally, his exasperated partner said, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!” The guy answered, “My wife is up there watching me from the…

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, “Martha, I’d like to ride in that there airplane.” And every year Martha would say, “I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.” One year Stumpy and Martha went to…

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. She was so upset that she went up to the man and said, “I was going to park there!” The man, being a real…

Man: Haven’t we been on a couple dates before? Woman: Couldn’t have been. I don’t make the same mistake twice.