menwomen

Why do bald men put holes in their pockets? So they can run their fingers through their hair!

It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby’s a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue’s father answers and invites him in. “Peggy Sue’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?”…

Honest to God true story. Wife (yelling from upstairs): Honey, I’m naked and the dog is loose in the front yard! Husband (downstairs): Hold on, I’ll be right up! She didn’t appreciate the humor.

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, “Is my time up? God said, “No, you have another 43 years, two months and eight days to live.” Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in…

Men are like ….. Laxatives ….. They irritate the shit out of you. Men are like … Bananas ….. The older they get, the less firm they are. Men are like … Vacations ….. They never seem to be long enough. Men are like … Weather ….. Nothing can be done to change them. Men…

Signs of Aging Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work. You feel like the morning after, and you haven’t been anywhere. Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D. You get winded playing chess. You’re still chasing women but can’t remember why. You look forward to a dull evening. Your favorite part…

You perverts..

One day a secretary noticed her boss’s fly was open. Not wanting to embarrass him, she whispers in his ear, “Your barracks are open, and your soldier is saluting at the gates.” The man, realizing what she means, decides to have some fun and says, “Do you see the colonel standing to attention?” She whispers…

Eight year old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good, mostly A’s and a couple of B’s. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: “Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to…

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take the…

“I’m feeling so ashamed of the way we live,” a wife said to her husband, who preferred to spend his time laying on the couch watching TV, rather than finding a job. “My father pays our mortgage, my mother buys all of our groceries for us, my sister buys us our clothes, my uncle bought…

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!” Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say…