menwomen

1. Watch yourself eating in front of a mirror. If you’re put off, that’s the view your future partner will have… 2. Live on your own. It’s important that you find out what a hopeless slob you are before your beloved tells you. And then leaves you… 3. Go out with your friends for a…

A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his friend has a huge penis. “Damn Bob, you’re hung!” Jim exclaims. “I wasn’t always this impressive, I had to work for it.” “What do you mean?” Jim asked. “Well, every day for the past two years I’ve spent an…

1. You wear a D… & A-C is tissue paper. 2. Your friends are guys, your partners are girls. 3. Anorexia is a four-letter word. 4. Pink is your favorite color… & hot pink is second. 5. Monika Lewinski is your role model. 6. You think foreign affairs is screwing two French guys. 7. M.U.D.D.…

1. The female always makes the rules. 2. The rules can change without notice. 3. Males can’t know the rules. 4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some of the rules. 5. The female never bears the blame for being wrong. 6. If the female is…

This couple, my mom is friends with at work, just had a baby. The wife, Emily, told Dave, her husband, there needed to be some cutbacks on beer to save money for diapers and such. Dave was very disapointed, as could be imagined, but realized it was for the good of their child. One afternoon…

A guy is stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years. One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.”…

Ed and Ted went to the fair, where they came across a small crowd gathered around a stall. They decided to go over and take a look. “What’s going on?” Ed asked a person in the crowd. “We’re watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine,” he said, nodding towards a fearsome…

John, for heaven’s sake, why can’t you just talk to me once in awhile?” whined Mari. “Huh?” John responded. “Look around you!” she yells, as she points around the room. “All these books. Your head is always buried in books. You don’t even know I’m alive!” “Oh. I’m sorry.” “You know, sometimes I wish I…

Emerging from the chiropractor’s treatment room, a young man said aloud, “I feel like a new man!” “I do, too,” a middle-aged woman responded, “but I’ll probably go home with the same old one.”

DEAR DIARY: DAY ONE All packed for the cruise ship – all my sexiest dresses and make-up. Really excited. DEAR DIARY: DAY TWO Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today – seems a very nice man. DEAR DIARY: DAY THREE In the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding…

During a recent vacation in Atlantic City, a couple went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a woman from the back of the theater yelled out, “Hey, how’d you do that?” “I could tell you, madam,” the magician answered, “But then I’d have to kill you.” After a short pause,…

On wall in ladies room: “My husband follows me everywhere.” Written just below it: “I do not.”