menwomen

Chances of a Man Winning an Argument: Dating: 50% Engagement: 25% Marriage Period: 0%, very rare

A man and his girlfriend are having a sexual encounter. He asks her to “go downtown” so, with a sigh, she gets on her knees in front of him and starts peering at his genitals, looking and tipping her head this way and that, studying the whole business. After about five minutes of this, he…

One Monday morning, a mailman was walking through the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approached one of the homes, Bob, a homeowner, was coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. “Wow, Bob, looks like you guys had a hell of a party this weekend,” the mailman commented. Bob replied,…

Boy: “Miss, may I kiss you?” Girl: “No.” Boy: “Could you let me embrace your waist with my arms?” Girl: “No.” Boy: “Well, then, may I touch your hands?” Girl: “No.” Boy: “Why do you keep saying ‘No’ all the time?” Girl: “Mom said, when date with a boyfriend for the first time, remember to…

Bernie and Faye, a wealthy couple, are coming up to their ruby wedding anniversary and Faye has been thinking for some months about how they should celebrate. She comes to a decision. “Bernie,” she says, “I’m going to book us a wonderful 6 weeks cruise. I know you don’t like ships because you got sea…

Why do men pick their noses while driving? Because their butts are too hard to reach!

Dear Husband: I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and…

A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George, but the joke was so badly burned that somejoke would need to make a positive identification. That task fell to George’s two friends, Joe and Al. Joe: “He’s burnt pretty bad, all right. Roll him over.” Joe looked at the dead man’s…

A man and a women are making love for the first time. “Cor what a small organ!” the women sniggered “It may be small, darling” replied the man “but it’s never played in a Cathedral before!”

NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless. EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike,…

Once there was this little Italian boy in the fields with his father. Looking at his dad’s hands, the boy says, “Papa, you do many things with your hands, tell me about your fingers.” “Wella Tony,” Papa said, “You see this first finger? You use this one to point to where ever you want to.…

The morning after their honeymoon night, the wife says to her husband, “You know, you’re really a lousy lover!” The husband replies, “How would you know after only 30 seconds?”