menwomen

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.…

Every day, Mr. Koch has to cross the river by ferry in order to get to work. Waking up late one morning, he dressed quickly, ran out the door and raced to the dock. The boat was several yards away, and stepping back and taking a mighty leap, Mr. Koch landed with a crash on…

Seminars for Females (Prepared and presented by Males) 1. Elementary map reading 2. Crying and law enforcement 3. Advanced math seminar: Programming your VCR 4. You can go shopping for less than 4 hours 5. Gaining five pounds vs. the end of the world: A study in contrast. 6. PMS: It’s your problem, not mine…

My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things change as you have more children: The First Time the Child Fell and Got a Cut First child: My wife and I frantically ran over to the child. We swept…

A man had parked his car in the supermarket parking lot and was walking past an empty cart, when he heard a female voice say, “Mister, are you using that cart?” “No,” he answered…”I’m only after one thing.” As he walked away he heard her murmur, “Typical male.”

Why don’t vegetarian women scream during orgasms? They refuse to admit that a piece of meat gives them pleasure!

Though the walls of our apartment complex aren’t particularly thin, the floors and ceilings act as amplifiers. One night, several months ago, my wife and I were lying in bed. Noticing the repeated constant sound of a bed scooting along the floor and a headboard banging against a wall, we became aware that the occupants…

Q: Why are fingers on the statue of liberty 11 inches long? A: Because if they were 12 inches they would be feet.

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the…

1st woman: I took my son to the zoo yesterday. 2nd woman: Did they accept him?

A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everyjoke wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded, “When we were first married we came to an agreement – I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make…

A man was in a terrible accident, and his “manhood” was mangled and torn from his joke. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn’t cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for “small”, $6,500 for…