menwomen

A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife, “Honey, I got a new secretary, and imagine what happened! She’s got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it’s not a big deal but it feels good.” The next day…

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.” He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think…

Men can live without air for a few minutes, without water for a few days, without food for about two months, and without new thoughts for years on end.

Sadie: “That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.” Yetta: “Vell…. I’ll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like a clock. An like such a mench…

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?” Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain. Man: So what happened that’s so horrible? Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her.…

A man walks into a men’s outfitters and grumpily asks to see the cheapest suit in the shop. The horrified snooty sales assistant immediately fetched a full length mirror and placed it in front of him.

Women as Explained by Engineers Finally- an explanation of Woman that makes sense to a man! Element: Woman Discoverer: Adam Atomic Mass: Accepted as 55kg, but known to vary from 45kg, to 225 kg. Physical properties ___________________ joke surface normally covered with a film of powder and paint. Boils at absolutely nothing-freezes for no apparent…

A man and a woman have a child, and they need a crib, so they go to a crib factory store. This family is really poor, and they can only find cribs for $300. Then they find a crib for $20. They go up to the cashier and ask why. The cashier says its because…

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige,…

Paul returned from a doctor’s visit one day and told his wife, Cindy, that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Paul went to her again, and said,…

So I was out camping and my glasses had broken the day before, so I couldn’t wear them. Without my glasses, I can’t see anything past 10 feet in front of my face. So I was out camping (W/out glasses) and I go to use the bathroom, and I walk into the wrong one, (and…

A wife asked her husband well you remarry if I die? Husband:(caught off guard) He said no, I already did…. CRAP!!!