menwomen

What a woman says: This place is a mess! C’mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying on the floor and you’ll have no clothes to wear if we don’t do laundry right now! What a man hears: blah,blah,blah,blah, C’MON, blah,blah,blah,blah, YOU AND I blah, blah,blah,blah, ON THE FLOOR blah,blah,blah,blah, NO…

The Englishman’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. “Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any knickers?” her husband demanded. “Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.” The…

During taxi, the crew of a US AIR departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) screamed, “US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on ‘Charlie’ taxiway; you turned right on ‘Delta.’ Stop…

There was a really dramatic woman and a small man. The small man worked at a ballroom. The woman got dressed up all fancy and went to the ballroom. She went up to the man and said, “I hope there is something between us! And the little man said, “Me too! A continent!”

Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Secret…guys feel left out. That’s right…left out. There’s no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in…

A cowboy entered a barber shop, sat on the barber’s chair and said, “I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine, please.” The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. “Young lady,” the cowboy…

Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy’s wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she asks…

The cat was chasing the rooster around on the farm, then the cat fell in the water and the rooster laughed. Lesson: For every wet pussy there is a happy cock

An epileptic young woman named Camp Was seduced on her couch by a tramp But the first time he squeezed her She had a Grand seizure And broke both his balls and a lamp.

One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared. “I’ll grant you your fondest wish,” the genie said. The man thought for a moment, then said, “I want a spectacular job — a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has…

A wife was in the kitchen making the boiled eggs for breakfast when her husband walked in and asked, “What’s for breakfast?” She turned to him and said, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment.” He, thinking it’s his lucky day, stood her over the kitchen table and they had sex. Afterwards…

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.