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Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering. “What’s the matter, Mr. President?” the Vice President inquired. “Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!” the President beamed. “How long did it take you?” “Well, the box said ‘3 to 5 Years’ but…

George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn`t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?” The barman says, “Yep, that`s them.” So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?” Bush says,…

In Utah, the following laws are on the books: 1) Birds have the rightaway on all highways. 2)It’s legal for restaurants to serve wine with meals, but only if you ask for the wine list. 3) In Tremonton, it is illegal to have sex in a moving ambulance.If you are caught doing so the guy…

Bill Clinton dies and goes to the pearly gates, where St.Peter asks him who he is and what he did. Bill replies, “I am Bill Clinton, and I was president of the United States!” St. Peter says, “Ok, I will take you to meet the Lord.” So they go to meet the Lord, who says…

One day a cop walks in to a barber shop and gets a haircut. He tries to pay the barber but the barber says, “Im doing free haircuts this week.” The cop thanks him and walks away. The next day there is a box of a dozen donuts on the barber’s desk. A republican walks…

Mrs. Colter was explaining that there were rules for voting in the United States. “You have to be at least eighteen, you have to be a citizen, and-” John blurts out, “And you can’t vote for democrats!”* * All credit for this goes to John Rieger, who wouldn’t shut up during sixth period.

During the famine of the civil war, a delegation of starving peasants comes to the Smolny, wishing to file a petition. “We have even started eating the grass like horses,” says one peasant. “Soon we will start neighing like horses!” “Come on! Don’t worry!” says Lenin reassuringly. “We are drinking tea with honey here, and…

The discovery that Bush’s resting heart rate is 43 has led some observers to speculate that this is the first time we’ve had a president with a heart rate that matches his IQ.

Lenin died, but his cause lives on!

What a coincidence: “Brezhnev died, but his joke lives on.”

In a bi-partisan move, President Bush has nominated Dr. Hannibal Lecter as his candidate for US Surgeon General. “I think Dr. Lecter will serve with pride, fava beans, and a nice Chianti,” Bush announced. In another announcement, Special Agent Clarice Starling will become the new FBI director. She’s expected to work closely with the new…

What’s the difference between a water bottle and puberty? The water bottle hit Justin Bieber first.