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Q: Why were the British fighting us in the war of 1812? A: Because they were done beating up the French, and they needed someone new to pick on.

I think the next election just got a lot easier for President Obama ’cause his response to every question during the debates will be: ‘Wait, I forget…Did you kill Osama Bin Laden? Or did I kill Osama Bin Laden. Oh no, it was me, wasn’t it?’” –Craig Ferguson “President Obama must be very happy because…

“What is the main difference of succession under tsarist regime and under socialism?” “Under tsarist regime the power transferred from father to a son, and under socialism – from one grandfather to another.”

To sum up the Russians’ experience with political leaders thus far: Lenin showed how a country can be ruled; Stalin showed how a country should be ruled; Khrushchev showed that a moron can rule a country; Brezhnev showed that not just any moron can rule a country.

A quartet of violinists returns from an international competition. One of them was honored with the possibility to play a Stradivarius violin and cannot stop bragging about this. Another one grunts: “What’s so special about that?”. The first one thinks for a minute: “Let me put it in this way for you: just imagine you…

God says the world is going to end, so he chooses three famous people to tell everyone. So, George Bush, Bill Gates, and Saddam Hussein come to see, him. God tells them that the world is going to end and tells them to tell their people. George Bush goes live on CNN and tells America,…

There have been recent terrorist activities in France. Today the had to upgrade their security system from “Run” to “Hide”. If things get any worse they’ll have to go to “Surrender”, and then “Beg for Mercy”.

1/20/09: End of an Error That’s OK, I Wasn’t Using My Civil Liberties Anyway Let’s Fix Democracy in This Country First If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran If You Can Read This, You’re Not Our President Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet? George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have…

TOP GEORGE BUSH SLOGANS 1. I’ll turn capital punishment into a new game show! 2. I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time. 3. I’ll finish what Bill started — the interns. 4. Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right? 5. Vote for the GOP, Not OPP. 6.…

At a party, a man came up to a stranger and asked “Have you heard the latest Bush joke?” The man replies, “I am Bush.” The man said, “Oh. I’ll tell it slowly.”

Microsoft Vs. General Motors At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would the be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.” In response to Bill’s comments, General…

The GOP Congress will re-introduce drilling for oil in the Arctic. Republicans say the environmental effect is minimal; a study shows caribou do not make campaign contributions.