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These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country. March Planned For Next August Blind Bishop Appointed To See Lingerie Shipment Hijacked – Thief Gives Police The Slip L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide Patient At Death’s Door – Doctors Pull Him Through Latin Course To Be Canceled – No Interest Among…

Asked by his teacher to compare three presidents Johnny thought for a moment and said: “Well, George Washington couldn’t tell a lie. Richard Nixon couldn’t tell the truth. And George W. Bush can’t tell the difference.”

New York, NY Police across the nation are warning people who wear pagers to be on the lookout for the latest scam. According to police, pagers in several states have been beeped by a number displaying a 212 area code (New York) and the prefix 540. When the victims return the call, they are charged…

Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Ronald Reagan are in a boat in the Potomac, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life preserver jacket. Bill says: “Let’s do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life preserver.” They each write a name on a piece of paper…

The armies of the opposition have neared Washington, Paris and London. The governments of US, France and London did nothing about it. ‘Sorry! We need to bomb (long list of African and Middle East countries) first.’

When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it? USA Today: WE’RE DEAD The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE Victoria’s Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE sport Illustrated: GAME OVER Wired: THE LAST NEW…

You may know they’ve released John Hinckley from the mental facility for unsupervised visits to his parents’ home on weekends. For those of you who may be too young to remember, John Hinckley shot President Ronald Reagan to impress the actress Jodie Foster. This is such a nice letter from the President: THE WHITE HOUSE…

Midnight Petrograd… A night watch spots a shadow trying to sneak by. “Stop! Who goes there? Documents!” The frightened person chaotically shuffles through his pockets and drops a paper. A soldier picks it up and reads slowly, with difficulty: “U.ri.ne A.na.ly.sis”… “Hmm… a foreigner, sounds like…” “A spy, looks like…. Let’s shoot him on the…

Did you know that the goverment finds Native American chiefs more important than presidents? The new head on Mt. Rushmore is at least twice the size of the others. It’s the head of an Indian!

Early in the morning, Honecker arrives at his office and opens his window. He sees the sun and says: “Good morning, dear Sun!” The sun replies: “Good morning, dear Erich!” Honecker works, and then at noon he heads to the window and says: “Good day, dear Sun!” The sun replies: “Good day, dear Erich!” In…

A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has…

“The fact that the GDR considers itself as one of the 5 technologically most advanced power of the nations may be be given to the fact that there are only 5 fingers on a hand. ” University lecture in Hungary in the 70s