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What exactly does the government do? They seem to complicate all the simple things while trying to do the opposite.

What was the most-frequently used word at the German-German border? “Goose meat”. (Gänsefleisch, sounds like the first three words in Genn’ se vleisch mal ‘n Gofferraum offmachn? in the Saxon accent, Können Sie vielleicht mal den Kofferraum aufmachen? in standard German, which means Could you please open the trunk? )

1. Iraqi Head Found With Arms 2. Man Loses Toes in Snow, but Timesheet Submitted 3. Crack found on Governor’s Daughter 4. Miners Refuse To Work After Death 5. Eight Arms Found In Octopus

The Vice President and his best friends were out hunting birds. People in the office knew that the best friend had some dirt on the vice president. When the vice president came back from hunting, the guy that owned the hunting place asked, “Where’s your friend?” The Vice President started to shake and said, “Oh…

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up — firefighter, police officer, sales rep, doctor, lawyer, etc. David was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father. “My father’s an exotic dancer in…

These four guys were walking down the street; a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up and says, “Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?” The Saudi says, “What’s ‘shortage’?” The Russian says, “What’s ‘meat’?” The North Korean says, “What’s ‘opinion’?” The New Yorker,…

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead joke. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to…

While running for the Senate in New York, the young man’s political advisor heard some very upsetting news. “Listen,” he said, “you must go to Albany right away or you’re going to lose a lot of votes. They’re telling lies about you there.” “I have to go to Buffalo first or I’ll lose even more…

Bill and Hillary were going down a back road and stopped at a gas station. As the worker was filling up their car, he said to Hillary, “I went to high school with you”. She recognized him and agreed with him. Later, as they were driving down the road, Bill said, “If you had married…

“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” …George W. Bush “Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.” …Governor George W. Bush “Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.” …Governor George W. Bush “Mars is essentially in the same orbit…Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun,…

The teacher asks: “Fritzchen, what is the difference between capitalism and socialism?” Fritz replies: “Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Under socialism, it is the other way around.”

CLASSIC QUOTE: A quote from Sky News “Umm Qasr is a city similar to Southampton,” UK defence minister Geoff Hoon said in the Commons yesterday. “He’s either never been to Southampton, or he’s never been to Umm Qasr,” says a British squaddie patrolling Umm Qasr. Another soldier added: “There’s no beer, no prostitutes and people…