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Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.” “OH NO!” the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!” His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks, “How many is a…

It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. “I promise better…

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama bin Laden made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington. “How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!” yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry comes up from behind. “You wanted to end the Americans’ liberty, so…

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country. 2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country. 3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crosswords. 4. USA Today is…

“Leonid Ilyich is in surgery.” / “Heart again?” / “No, chest expansion surgery: to fit one more Gold Star medal.”

There once was a President who had a law that evryone had to laugh once a hour or they spent an hour in jail.

Multi-national personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquarters near Paris found English to be an easy language … until they tried to pronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months at hard labor to reading six lines aloud.…

When Yeltsin resigned from the Communist Party at the 28th Party Congress, people used to say that “Yeltsin is out of mind,… honour, and conscience of our epoch”. (A hint at a widespread propaganda slogan: “Party is Mind, Honour and Conscience of our Epoch”)

1. Bush/Cheney ’04: We’re Gooder! 2. Bush/Cheney ’04: Leave no Child a Dime! 3. Bush/Cheney ’04: Because the Truth Just isn’t Good Enough. 4. Vote Bush in ’04: It’s a no-brainer! 5. Bush/Cheney ’04: Compassionate Colonialism 6. Bush/Cheney ’04: Leave no Billionaire Behind 7. Bush/Cheney ’04: Putting the “con” in conservatism 8. Bush/Cheney ’04: Thanks…

Politians are like constipated people-they’re full of shit.

Why was Khrushchev deseated? Because of the Seven “C”s: Cult of personality, Communism, China, Cuban Crisis, Corn, and Cuzka’s mother.

In Clinton, Alabama, it is illegal to molest your automobile. Now how would you go about doing that? And how would your automobile testify against you?