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Did you hear that in response to President Bill Clinton’s habit of dropping in on the local McDonalds, the McDonald’s national management has announced a commemorative double cheeseburger, the McClinton? Of course, when you get it, the price has doubled, you never get the fries you were originally promised, and it’s got half the meat.

U.S. President Calvin Coolidge and his wife allegedly visited a poultry farm. During the tour, Mrs. Coolidge inquired of the farmer how his farm managed to produce so many fertile eggs with such a small number of roosters. The farmer proudly explained that his roosters performed their duty dozens of times each day. “Perhaps you…

Three men sit in a jail in (KGB headquarters) Dzerzhinsky Square. The first asks the second why he has been imprisoned, and he says, “Because I criticized Karl Radek.” The first man responds, “But I am here because I spoke out in favor of Radek!” They turn to the third man who has been sitting…

This joke is kind of dated but it’s still funny. Al Gore, Bill, Hilary, and Chelsea Clinton were all riding in the Airforce One. Out of the blue Gore says, “I could throw a hundred, one dollar bills out the window and make a hundred people happy.” Bill says, “Well I could throw ten, ten…

–That comment about Elton being “twice the woman” she ever was. –Caught Eminem fantasizing about killing other women. –Sick of hiding her love for the Insane Clown Posse. –Sure, he talks and raps like a black man, but when he takes down his pants… –Would rather end up like Nicole Kidman than Nicole SIMPSON. –Overheard…

Today, if you meet someone from France, they will say, “Bonjour, Je suis de la France.” This is what they would say if America knew France wasn’t going to pay us back for helping them. “Hallo, bin ich von Frankreich.”

A few decades from now, George Bush will die (everyone dies eventually). He goes up to Heaven where he sees a bunch of clocks, and he asks God what the clocks do. “These clocks go forward one minute each time the person tells a lie.” Bush looks for his clock. “Where’s mine?” “Oh, that one?…

The Armenian Radio was asked: “Is it true that in Moscow, Mercedes cars are being given to citizens?” The Armenian Radio answers: “Yes, but it is not Moscow but Leningrad, not Mercedes but Ladas, and not given to but stolen from.”

Al Gore is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious, he runs over to the child and says, “What’s in the box kid?” To which the little boy says, “Kittens, they’re brand new kittens.” Al Gore laughs and says, “What kind of kittens are they?” “Democrats,” the…

They had quite a scare in Washington, DC, today. Apparently, President Obama was meeting with some potential cabinet nominees and someone noticed a suspicious looking document on the table that no one had ever seen before. Turns out it was just a tax form, but it gave them quite a fright. – Jay Leno

After intensive investigation on both the Soviet and US parts, spokespersons from both space agencies have determined the cause for the accident which has placed the station and its resident personnel in jeopardy. In terse statements at a recent press conference, Soviet and US space agency spokespersons said Thursday We have concluded joint investigations concerning…

George Bush senior and junior were dragging the deer they had just shot back to their truck. Another hunter approached, pulling his along, too. “Sirs, I don’t want to tell you how to do something,” he said, “but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer the other way, then…