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This is off a Coast Guard bumper sticker: Support Search and Rescue: GET LOST!

Two Saudis emigrated to America with their families. On the plane ride over they made a bet about who could become more “Americanized” in their first year. As agreed, they met exactly one year later. The first guy pulled up in his Hummer and said to the second guy “I win. There’s no way you…

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 73 year-old Texas rancher, whose hand had been caught in a gate while working cattle, a doctor and the old man were talking about George W. Bush being in the White House. The old Texan said, “Well, ya know, Bush is a ‘post turtle.’” Not knowing…

Alabama • A 1950 anti-obscenity law in Irondale, Ala., prohibited any showing of anyone nude or “in a substantially nude state” except a babe in arms. • Anniston: You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street. • An ordinance in Linden, Ala., provided that all women of “uncertain chastity” had to be off the…

Mistake: to err, to cause an error or make a mess; If a barber makes a mistake, it’s a new style… If a driver makes a mistake, it is an accident… If a politician makes a mistake, it is a new law… If a scientist makes a mistake, it is a new invention… If a…

These are all true cuttings, Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van because they cannot issue a description. It is a Special Branch vehicle and they do not want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian) Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole…

Why don’t politicians ever consider being gynocologists? They would have to deal with too much Bush every day!

An elderly Italian Jewish man wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his rabbi. “Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a ‘goy’ and changed my name from Levi to Spamoni and I am alive today because of it.” “Self preservation is important and the fact…

A teacher in California asked her class, “How many of you are Republicans?” Everyone in the class raised their hands except for one girl. “Mary,” the teacher inquired, “Why didn’t you raise your hand?” “Because I’m not a Republican,” she replied. “I’m a Democrat.” The teacher asked her, “Why are you a Democrat?” And Mary…

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A hotel. A room for four with four strangers. Three of them soon open a bottle of vodka and proceed to get acquainted, then drunk, then noisy, singing and telling political jokes. The fourth one desperately tries to get some sleep; finally, frustrated, he surreptitiously leaves the room, goes downstairs, and asks the lady concierge…

One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office. He was very furious and said, “Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!” Yes Sir, Mr. President,” the interior decorator replies. “I’ll have those mirrors…