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“Comrade Andropov is the most turned on man in Moscow!” “Comrade Andropov is sure to light up any discussion!” “Why did Brezhnev go abroad, and Andropov did not? Because Brezhnev ran on batteries, but Andropov needed an outlet.” (Reference to Brezhnev’s pacemaker and Andropov’s dialysis machine).

California Version The latest telephone poll taken by the California Governor’s office asked whether people who live in California think illegal immigration is a serious problem: 29% of respondents answered: “Yes, it is a serious problem.” 71% of respondents answered: “No es un problema serio.”

barbara Walters of 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. She returned to Kabul recently and observed that women still walk behind their husbands, but now seem to walk even further back and are happy…

The Armenian Radio was asked: “Is it possible to enjoy life to the fullest in the Soviet Union?” The Armenian Radio answers: “Yes, if you like crowded trains.”

Enter MEXICO illegally. Never mind immigration quotas, visas, international law, or any of that nonsense. Once there, demand that the local government provide free medical carefor you and your entire family. Try driving around as a Gringo in Mexico with no liability insurance,and have an accident. Demand bilingual nurses and doctors. Demand free bilingual local…

Apparently, a Polish driver living in southern Ireland by the name of Prawo Jazdy had racked up dozens of speeding tickets and parking fines – but with a different address on each occasion. Eventually, the Garda discovered that Prawo Jazdy is Polish for ‘driving licence’. . .

A dumb list for dumb laws: Australia 1. Children may not purchase cigarettes, but can smoke them. 2. You may never leave your car keys in an unattended vehicle. 3. It is illegal to roam the streets wearing black clothes, felt shoes and black shoe polish on your face as these items are the tools…

If “poly” means “many” and a tic is a bloodsucking creature, than what are politicians?

This is off a Coast Guard bumper sticker: Support Search and Rescue: GET LOST!

Two Saudis emigrated to America with their families. On the plane ride over they made a bet about who could become more “Americanized” in their first year. As agreed, they met exactly one year later. The first guy pulled up in his Hummer and said to the second guy “I win. There’s no way you…

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 73 year-old Texas rancher, whose hand had been caught in a gate while working cattle, a doctor and the old man were talking about George W. Bush being in the White House. The old Texan said, “Well, ya know, Bush is a ‘post turtle.’” Not knowing…

Alabama • A 1950 anti-obscenity law in Irondale, Ala., prohibited any showing of anyone nude or “in a substantially nude state” except a babe in arms. • Anniston: You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street. • An ordinance in Linden, Ala., provided that all women of “uncertain chastity” had to be off the…