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It was really hot last summer. In fact, it was so hot I saw a republican with his head out of his ass.

The economy is so bad. . . if the bank returns your check marked ”Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them. The economy is so bad. . . a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

Is it true that there is freedom of speech in the Soviet Union the same as there is in the USA? In principle, yes. In the USA, you can stand in front of the White House in Washington, DC, and yell, “Down with Reagan!” and you will not be punished. Just the same, you can…

Beaverton, OR- You must buy a $10 permit to be allowed to install a burglar alarm. Portland, OR- People may not whistle underwater.

Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev are all travelling together in a railway carriage. Unexpectedly, the train stops. Lenin suggests: “Perhaps we should call a subbotnik, so that workers and peasants fix the problem.” Stalin puts his head out of the window and shouts, “If the train does not start moving, the driver will be executed!”…

What exactly does the government do? They seem to complicate all the simple things while trying to do the opposite.

What was the most-frequently used word at the German-German border? “Goose meat”. (Gänsefleisch, sounds like the first three words in Genn’ se vleisch mal ‘n Gofferraum offmachn? in the Saxon accent, Können Sie vielleicht mal den Kofferraum aufmachen? in standard German, which means Could you please open the trunk? )

1. Iraqi Head Found With Arms 2. Man Loses Toes in Snow, but Timesheet Submitted 3. Crack found on Governor’s Daughter 4. Miners Refuse To Work After Death 5. Eight Arms Found In Octopus

The Vice President and his best friends were out hunting birds. People in the office knew that the best friend had some dirt on the vice president. When the vice president came back from hunting, the guy that owned the hunting place asked, “Where’s your friend?” The Vice President started to shake and said, “Oh…

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up — firefighter, police officer, sales rep, doctor, lawyer, etc. David was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father. “My father’s an exotic dancer in…

These four guys were walking down the street; a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up and says, “Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?” The Saudi says, “What’s ‘shortage’?” The Russian says, “What’s ‘meat’?” The North Korean says, “What’s ‘opinion’?” The New Yorker,…

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead joke. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to…