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The teacher asks: “Fritzchen, why are you always speaking of our Soviet brothers? It’s ‘Soviet friends’.” Fritz responds: “Well, you can pick your friends.”

President Bush was visiting a classroom where a teacher was giving a lesson on blood circulation. Trying to make the lesson clearer, he said, “Now, children, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run to my face.” “Yes, sir,” one of the girls said. “Then why is it,” he continued,…

To save a tree remove a Bush.

“Michael Vick shouldn’t go to jail for dog fighting.” “Why? It’s a crime.” “Well, it’s one thing to fight your friends or someone at a bar, but it’s your dog. You should be able to fight him if he gets in your face.” “What?”

1) In Bettendorf, it is illegal for liquor stores to place advertisements for beer outside the store. 2)In Mount Vernon, a person first must obtain written permission from the City Council before throwing bricks into a highway.

Honecker meets Mao and asks him: “How many political opponents do you have in China?” Mao: “I estimate about 17 million.” Honecker: “Oh, that’s pretty much the same here.” (The GDR had 17 million inhabitants)

Before his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, “How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?” Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him…

Father O’Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Washington DC parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called…

California • A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who detonates a nuclear device within city limits. • Alhambra: You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit. • animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of…

What happens when you give a politician viagra? He gets taller.

. . . they only tell who’s left.

Rising gas prices have caused the following event: The wife comes home and says, “It’s been a tough week. I want you to take me someplace expensive tonight.” The husband promptly takes her to the nearest Gas Station.