news

One day, a Democrat was on vacation. He was walking along the beach, when he hit his toe on a hard object, and looking down, he saw a small, shiny golden lamp sticking out of the sand. Excited, he grabbed the lamp, and rubbed its side. A genie appeared from the lamp and said, “Thank…

Did you hear the one about when the Great Recession began? The President appointed a cat to chair the Federal Reserve. Do you know why? Because when a cat falls, it always lands on its feet.

Got to Get You Into My Sights I Put a Shell in You You’ve Shot a Friend Huntin’, Shootin’, Drinkin’ Dude Looked Like a Birdie

President Bush, Dan Quayle, Ross Perot, and Bill Clinton all traveled together to see the Wizard of Oz. Upon arrival, they were brought to see him. First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, “Everyone says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart,” so the Wizard said, “So…

Bill & Hillary Clinton were sleeping at the White House. Hillary wakes up and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. “Bill, Bill wake up.” Bill continues sleeping. Hillary shouts, “Bill, Bill wake up.” Bill finally wakes up and says, “What do you want?” Hillary responds, “I have to go use the bathroom.” Bill says,…

“Now, I know Obama was trying to take the long view, but talking about solar energy in the middle of the oil spill is like watching your house engulfed in flames and saying, ‘We really should change the curtains.’” —Craig Ferguson “At a stop in Buffalo today, a woman walks up to President Obama and…

The teacher asks: “Fritzchen, why are you always speaking of our Soviet brothers? It’s ‘Soviet friends’.” Fritz responds: “Well, you can pick your friends.”

President Bush was visiting a classroom where a teacher was giving a lesson on blood circulation. Trying to make the lesson clearer, he said, “Now, children, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run to my face.” “Yes, sir,” one of the girls said. “Then why is it,” he continued,…

To save a tree remove a Bush.

“Michael Vick shouldn’t go to jail for dog fighting.” “Why? It’s a crime.” “Well, it’s one thing to fight your friends or someone at a bar, but it’s your dog. You should be able to fight him if he gets in your face.” “What?”

1) In Bettendorf, it is illegal for liquor stores to place advertisements for beer outside the store. 2)In Mount Vernon, a person first must obtain written permission from the City Council before throwing bricks into a highway.

Honecker meets Mao and asks him: “How many political opponents do you have in China?” Mao: “I estimate about 17 million.” Honecker: “Oh, that’s pretty much the same here.” (The GDR had 17 million inhabitants)