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Politians are like constipated people-they’re full of shit.

Why was Khrushchev deseated? Because of the Seven “C”s: Cult of personality, Communism, China, Cuban Crisis, Corn, and Cuzka’s mother.

In Clinton, Alabama, it is illegal to molest your automobile. Now how would you go about doing that? And how would your automobile testify against you?

Andy was a staunch Republican, while Mary was Democrat through and through. They met at a political rally, and spent many hours arguing back and forth, until eventually love blossomed, and they got married. On the wedding night, however, as many of their friends had prophesied, they argued. Turning their backs on each other, they…

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You retire on the income. INDIAN ECONOMICS You have two cows. You worship them. PAKISTAN ECONOMICS You don’t have any cows. You claim that the Indian cows belong to you. You ask the US for…

Five precepts of the Soviet intelligentsia (intellectuals): Do not think. If you think — do not speak. If you think and speak — do not write. If you think, speak and write — do not sign. If you think, speak, write and sign — don’t be surprised.

1. You consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by. 2. If you’re proud that Alaska makes the national news 96 nights each year because Trapper Creek is the coldest spot in the nation. 3. If…

The Armenian Radio was asked: “Is it true that comrade cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin’s car was stolen in Moscow during the celebrations?” The Armenian Radio answers: “In principle yes, but it was not in Moscow, rather in Kiev, and it was not his car, but his bike and it was not comrade cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin, but…

Elderly Man Sued for Stopping at Stop Sign September 9, 2002 – Atlanta, USA In a case possibly first of its kind, 67 year old Arthur Thompson is being sued by 32 year old Lynn Manaouski for stopping at a 4-way stop sign. In her statement she described how she came up to the intersection…

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a monkey? George W. Bush

Soup manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America’s shelves this week with “Clinton Soup,” that will honor one of the nation’s most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a small weenie in hot water. Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will begin…

President Clinton had heard of all the starving people in Somalia, and wanted to get a look for himself. He ordered his aides to prepare Air Force One. On the plane, the president looked down with his binoculars, and said “My God! Look at them! Skinny, starving – where are our troops?” An aide chimed…