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Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms Eye Drops Off Shelf Teachers’ Strike Idles Kids Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe Plane too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told Miners Refuse to Work After Death Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant Stolen Painting Found by Tree Killer Sentenced to Die For Second Time in 10 Years Never…

what George W. bush thinks during his cabinet meetings. Hmmm…what does the w stand for? Wait… there isn’t even a cabinet in here!

Good Ev’nin America! I, George Dubya Bush, confess that I wrote the Shakespeare plays. First of all, I’m very intellentifull. I didn’t mean to confusinate you, but I’m just that smart. Do not misunderestimate me because I can’t prononunce n-n-n-uclar -you know what I mean. Shakespeare was in my axis of evil, so I wrote…

One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, “George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” “Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised George. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the…

* Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pay with two $16 bills. * The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits. * A bus carrying five passengers was hit by…

Today’s school kids are spending less time at recess than their predecessors. Experts say if the trends continues, future Congressmen may not have enough experience goofing off.

“Comrade Brezhnev, is it true that you collect political jokes?” — “Yes” — “And how many have you collected so far?” — “Three and a half labor camps.”

A respected merchant Sevenassov wants to change his surname and asks the Tsar for permission. The Emperor writes his resolution: “Allowed to deduct two asses down”.

Major Scandal during their presidency…. Nixon: Watergate Clinton: Waterbed The President’s biggest fear…. Nixon: The Cold War Clinton: The Cold Sore Complaints toward the President….. Nixon: Carpet-Bombing Clinton: Carpet-Burns Their Vice-Presidents… Nixon: His was Greek Clinton: His is a Geek. Presidential qualities….. Nixon: Couldn’t stop Kissinger. Clinton: Couldn’t stop kissing her. Things the President couldn’t…

As governor, Bush got to act ceremonially as a state trooper for a day. While operating a speed trap, Bush pulled over a farmer. He lectured the farmer about his speed and the necessity of obeying laws made by his superiors, and in general threw his weight around. Finally, he got around to writing the…

A man was reported to have said: “Nikolay is a moron!” and was arrested by the policeman. “No, sir, I meant not our respected Emperor, but another Nikolay!” – “Don’t try to trick me: if you say “moron”, you obviously refer to our tsar”.

Recently, Germans conducted some scientific exploration involving their best men. Core drilling samples were taken to a depth of 50 metres, and during these examinations, small pieces of copper were discovered. After running many arduous tests on these samples, the German government announced that 25,000 years ago, ancient Germans had a nationwide telephone network. The…