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Before his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, “How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?” Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him…

Father O’Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Washington DC parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called…

California • A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who detonates a nuclear device within city limits. • Alhambra: You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit. • animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of…

What happens when you give a politician viagra? He gets taller.

. . . they only tell who’s left.

Rising gas prices have caused the following event: The wife comes home and says, “It’s been a tough week. I want you to take me someplace expensive tonight.” The husband promptly takes her to the nearest Gas Station.

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms Eye Drops Off Shelf Teachers’ Strike Idles Kids Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe Plane too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told Miners Refuse to Work After Death Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant Stolen Painting Found by Tree Killer Sentenced to Die For Second Time in 10 Years Never…

what George W. bush thinks during his cabinet meetings. Hmmm…what does the w stand for? Wait… there isn’t even a cabinet in here!

Good Ev’nin America! I, George Dubya Bush, confess that I wrote the Shakespeare plays. First of all, I’m very intellentifull. I didn’t mean to confusinate you, but I’m just that smart. Do not misunderestimate me because I can’t prononunce n-n-n-uclar -you know what I mean. Shakespeare was in my axis of evil, so I wrote…

One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, “George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” “Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised George. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the…

* Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pay with two $16 bills. * The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits. * A bus carrying five passengers was hit by…

Today’s school kids are spending less time at recess than their predecessors. Experts say if the trends continues, future Congressmen may not have enough experience goofing off.