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These four guys were walking down the street; a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up and says, “Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?” The Saudi says, “What’s ‘shortage’?” The Russian says, “What’s ‘meat’?” The North Korean says, “What’s ‘opinion’?” The New Yorker,…

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead joke. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to…

While running for the Senate in New York, the young man’s political advisor heard some very upsetting news. “Listen,” he said, “you must go to Albany right away or you’re going to lose a lot of votes. They’re telling lies about you there.” “I have to go to Buffalo first or I’ll lose even more…

Bill and Hillary were going down a back road and stopped at a gas station. As the worker was filling up their car, he said to Hillary, “I went to high school with you”. She recognized him and agreed with him. Later, as they were driving down the road, Bill said, “If you had married…

“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” …George W. Bush “Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.” …Governor George W. Bush “Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.” …Governor George W. Bush “Mars is essentially in the same orbit…Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun,…

The teacher asks: “Fritzchen, what is the difference between capitalism and socialism?” Fritz replies: “Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Under socialism, it is the other way around.”

CLASSIC QUOTE: A quote from Sky News “Umm Qasr is a city similar to Southampton,” UK defence minister Geoff Hoon said in the Commons yesterday. “He’s either never been to Southampton, or he’s never been to Umm Qasr,” says a British squaddie patrolling Umm Qasr. Another soldier added: “There’s no beer, no prostitutes and people…

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS president Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story: On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the joke of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the…

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both wives lost their children while living…

A couple who is having problems in their marriage decide to go on a talk show. The wife complains that her husband does not listen to her and is ungrateful. She blames this on her husband’s career. The host asks the man, “Has being in politics had any affect on your sex life?” Bill Clinton…

G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, “Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you.” She conference calls Tony Blair in and asks, “Tony, your parents had a baby.…

President Bush toured parts of Missouri that were devastated by a recent tornado. There was one awkward moment, when the President looked at the tornado damage and said, “Don’t worry, we’re going to get whoever did this.”