oneliners

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.” -Stephen Bishop “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow “He has never been known to use a…

“All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific.” -Jane Wagner

What did one glass say to another glass? Lets have a break. What did one ghost say to another ghost? Do you believe in people? What did one chair say to another chair? Here comes another bum.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Conserve water. Shower with a friend.

I’m so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

Q – What do barbed wire and a thong have in common? A – Both protect the property, but neither obstruct the view.

Quick – Cheap – Good Pick 2. – Dennis Robertus.

If ham is Canadian bacon, then what the heck do you Canadians call bacon?

A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Corduroy pillows are making headlines. Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome? Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Banning the bra was a big flop. Sea captains don’t like crew cuts. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? A successful diet is the triumph…

A wise man once said. I Don’t know ask A Girl! A wise man Once Said. Life sucks and then we die.

What do you call a stupid garbage can? A Dumb-ster!