oneliners

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

I always follow my first instinct, That is unless I second guess myself. ——————————————— Why don’t you have a drink, your only driving to a funeral right? ——————————————— Why buy a watch from the competitor, I thought time was against us? ———————————————- You must be smart, because you just confused us all. ———————————————-

Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to fine art.

Wait a second!!! I am NOT a loser! I have tried. I am a failure.

When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

The thing you need to focus on in your 20’s is not getting a bad tattoo. You don’t want to be 40 and going, “No, dude, it was different back then – everyjoke loved SpongeBob.”

If at first you don’t succeed, shouldn’t you try doing it like your wife/girlfriend told you to do it?

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water. Anyone who thinks old age is golden must not have had a very exciting youth. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all…

“This storm is bad,” Bob thundered.

If your father is a poor man, it’s your fate. But, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it’s your stupidity.

What’s the Swedish word for divorce and swearing? Ikea.

I was reading an article yesterday that was talking about the University of Michigan. They referred to it as MU. This got me to thinking…. What do they call the University of Florida?