oneliners

Middle Age: when knees buckle and belts don’t.

Why did the penny become angry with the nickel? Because the nickel was a “penny pincher”.

Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that’s where you get shitty ideas from.

According to the Institute of Incomplete Research, 7 out of 10 people are

How can you tell if a mathematician is an extrovert? He looks at *your* shoes when he talks to you.

Ask me about my vow of silence..

Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed.

May your troubles be as few and far between as your great-grandmother’s teeth.

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading. So, I got some flip-up contact lenses. Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug. I was walking down the street and saw a sign on a post. It said:…

Ever wonder why bottled water costs so much when there is so much of it? Spell “evian” backwards…..

If the entire world was a stage and God was the director, what we need is a rehearsal.