oneliners

  • Batty Books

    Ghost Stories by I.C. Spooks Rocket to the sun by R.U.Nuts Your Book of Glamour by Q.T Pie The Camel Ride by Major Bum – issore How to Grow Shorter by Neil Down How to Grow Taller by Stan Dup

  • Tips on Pill Taking

    Never ever take a sleeping pill and a laxative in the same night.

  • A Boyfriend

    She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

  • Definitions of the Spanish Royal Academy of the Language

    LOVE: A word involving four letters, two vowels, two consonants and two idiots. It refers to a disease that can be cured by marriage. ARCHITECT: A guy not “macho” enough to be an engineer and not queer enough to be an interior designer. TO DANCE: It refers to the vertical frustration of a horizontal desire.…

  • Man and car

    Men who walk in front of car get tired. Men who walk in back of car get exhausted.

  • What Did…

    What did the number 0 say to the number 8? “Hey, nice belt!”

  • Blowin’ In The Wind

    What did the tornado say to the pecan tree? “Hold onto your nuts, this is not your average blow job!” What has four hands and eats aunts? Two uncles. What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey? Usually an onion with long ears, but sometime you get a piece of ass…

  • Class Reunion

    I recently went to my 30th class reunion from nursery school. I didn’t want to go because I’ve put on maybe 90 or 100 pounds since then.

  • Marching Band Pride

    Hey! Football team! Get off the band field!

  • Wife & Job

    Q. What’s the difference between your wife and your job ? A. After 5 years your job will still suck.

  • Blind Man

    Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?? V V V V V V V V V V V V V V He loved it, but it scared the heck out of his dog.

  • Enzymes and Hormones

    What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can’t hear an enzyme!