oneliners

It’s only funny until someone gets hurt… Then it’s hilarious!

To all who do NOT believe in evolution, I have proof: MY spaghetti from two weeks ago has started growing arms and legs and I think it just called me, “Mommy”. By the way, I, myself, do NOT believe in the theory of evolution.

Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

Why did the poor dog chase his tail? He was trying to make ends meet!

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Vini vedi velcro (I came, I saw, I stuck around)

Here’s a stupid warning label: If you look at a fire extinguisher, it will say “Non-flamable”

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be called bagels!

“Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.” -Dave barry

10) Hum or sing when ever possible. 9) Always chew with your mouth open. 8) Pretend to fly around the room. 7) Have fights with your imaginary friends. 6) At school, fall asleep in every class. 5) When people turn around, make faces. 4) Scream every 10 minutes. 3) Tell every one you have a…

Borrow money from a pessimist—They don’t expect it back.

Why is it better to be killed by a shark than by a lawyer? Answer: The shark would be brief.