oneliners

Some people say that I’m superficial, but that’s just on the surface.

Hygiene Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? Jose: Don’t bite any.

A fashionably dressed big cat (dandy lion)

Why don’t women blink during foreplay? They don’t have time.

How are men and parking spots alike? Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely short.

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

Prudhomme’s Law of Window Washing It’s on the OTHER side.

I think – therefore I’m single. (Lizz Winstead) In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. (Margaret Thatcher) When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. (Elayne Boosler) I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I…

Why did the penny jump off the cliff and not the quarter? Because the quarter had more cents!

Vacation begins when dad says. “I know a shortcut”!

Why are Democrats better than Republicans in bed? You’ve never heard of getting a good piece of elephant, have you?

You know that you’re a really boring person when someone steals your identity and then tries to give it back.