oneliners

I work at Bed, Bath and Beyond in the ‘Beyond’ dept.

Q. What are the small bumps around a woman’s’ nipples for ? A. They are Braille for “suck here”.

What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a pig? Jurassic pork!

When physics meets Star Wars: May the net force be with you!

Q: What do you call a non-churchgoer? A: A Seventh-Day Absentist

What a bullfighter tries to do. (avoid-a-bull)

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

What do you get when you mix cigarettes in hot water? A soggy butt.

“He who laughs last, thinks slowest.”

In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world appear weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

FAMOUS LAST WORDS “One sec, I’ve got to go the bathroom!” 🙂 “It doesn’t hurt… that… bad…” “This stuff works just as well!” “It looks like it’s coming right towards us!” “Here, let me handle this, forget the cops!” “I read this in a ‘how-to’ magazine once.” “No I’m not a skydiver, but I did…

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He…