oneliners

Mary had a little lamb! The doctor fainted!

What are the first 4 words in the Mexican National Anthem? “Attention all K-Mart shoppers”

1. A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless you’re a diabetic!!!!! 2. People who live in glass houses should have sex in their basements!!!

You can fool all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, and that should be sufficient for most purposes.

What disasters would happen if a waiter dropped a plate of turkey? The downfall of Greece, the overthrow of Turkey and the break up of China

Psychiatrist to his nurse: “Just say we’re very busy. Don’t keep saying ‘It’s a madhouse.’”

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Teacher: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago. Willy: Me

Why don’t ghosts make good magicians? You can see right through them!

Always go to other peoples funerals, or they wont come to yours.

BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!BLAH!

When a man wants to believe something, it doesn’t take much to convince him.