oneliners

“You certainly look cool.” “Thanks, you don’t look so hot yourself.”

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

Why can’t a gypsy man walk right? Because he has crystal balls!

What do you give the person who has everything? A box to keep it all in.

Why am I stronger than Tarzan? Because I can beat on my chest without screaming.

Just when you find something you really like, they stop making it.

What do you call a group of Jew baritones and sopranos singing? Soap opera.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. – Abraham Lincoln.

My uncle is very superstitious. He won’t work any week that has a Friday in it.

It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail…but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, “Damn…that was fun!”??

If at first you don’t succeed…work for Microsoft.