oneliners

Q) What do you call an ant from overseas? A) Important

As I was coming back from Canada, I stopped at the border and the guy asked, “Do you have any firearms with you?” I answered, “What do you need?”

Q: What do you call a sheep that does karate? A: A lamb chop

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom’s wise words: “Don’t pick that up, you don’t know where it’s been!”

Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery. A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative. Practice safe eating – always use condiments. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. If electricity…

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half New Vaccine May Contain Rabies Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing Air Head Fired Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board Hospitals are Sued…

Yo momma’s like Geico: so easy a caveman could do it.

If all those sweet young things were laid end to end – I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.

Liners

Why did the squirrel go to the acorn shop? He broke his nuts on something!

You know you’re screwed when you fall in love with a woman you see at the mall, then realize that she is your sister.

Q)what do you call a polar bear in the jungle? A)lost!