oneliners

Beauty is only a light switch away

I bought a book called “How to Hug,” and when I got it home, found it was volume 7 of an encyclopedia. I phoned the gym, and asked if they could teach me to do the splits. The girl asked if I was flexible, and I said I couldn’t do Tuesdays.

It’s impossible to be a participant in the march of time and not get a few blisters.

The Lazy Bowl Reclining toilet: It’s plush while you flush!

“What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?” “I don’t know; and I couldn’t care less.”

The Chinese say: Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.

where one places dirty dishes (in the sink)

In favour of youth. (pro-teen)

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who can do binary and those who can’t.

If you don’t like my driving, stay out of the bus shelters!

I have a map of the world… its actual size.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.