oneliners

Where do fish keep their life savings? At the river bank!

So Many Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me. God Made Us Sisters, Prozac Made Us Friends. My Mother Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips. Princess, Having Had Sufficient Experience With Princes, Seeks Frog. Coffee, Chocolate, Men … Some Things Are Just Better Rich. Don’t Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would The Queen…

When you have a fat friend, there are no seesaws, just catapults.

Every solution breeds new problems.

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

Always be smarter than the inanimate object that you’re working with.

Did you hear about the new Polish million dollar lotery? You get a dollar a year for a million years!!!

How can you tell the difference between a violin and a fiddle? Look at the audience!

I use to eat natural foods, but then I found out that 65% of all people die of natural causes.

Room service? Send up a larger room. Who are you going to believe; me, or your own eyes? A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five. I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception. One morning I shot an elephant in my…

Betcha I can give up gambling!