oneliners

Q: What’s the difference between Snowmen and Snowwomen? A: Snowballs

The word ‘function’ should never function as a verb.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again… It was probably worth it.

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. – Thomas Alva Edison.

She left him because he had a will of his own. And it wasn’t made out to her!

A woman’s breasts are like a child’s toys. They are meant for the child – but the husband is the one that usually ends up playing with them.

Remember, no-one is listening until you fart.

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.” -Stephen Bishop “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow “He has never been known to use a…

“All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific.” -Jane Wagner

What did one glass say to another glass? Lets have a break. What did one ghost say to another ghost? Do you believe in people? What did one chair say to another chair? Here comes another bum.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Conserve water. Shower with a friend.