oneliners

As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

Remember the Golden Rule He who has the gold makes the rules.

I decided to kill the sexiest person alive, but then I realized suicide is illegal.

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Why is there an L in NOEL?

What do you call a a bunch of fish swimming in the sky?? A High School!!!

Save the trees – wipe your arse with an owl. “My point-and-click interface is an Uzi submachine gun.” Saint Michael – patron saint of underpants I’m an apathetic sociopath – I’d kill you if I cared. I’m completely sane, according to the voices in my head. My wife’s an earth sign. I’m a water sign.…

If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner? If there’s an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule? Why do we leave expensive cars in the driveway, when we keep worthless junk in the garage? Why do they call it taking a…

how geese fly (in formation)

When does Saddam Hussein have his lunch? When Tariq Aziz. (When Tariq has his)

It’s only funny until someone gets hurt… Then it’s hilarious!

To all who do NOT believe in evolution, I have proof: MY spaghetti from two weeks ago has started growing arms and legs and I think it just called me, “Mommy”. By the way, I, myself, do NOT believe in the theory of evolution.