oneliners

Q: Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? A: They all have phones.

Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

Bob: How do you keep a turkey in suspense? Willie: I dunno. Bob: I’ll tell you later…

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that’s not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral. — Robert Orben

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Where should a dressmaker live? On the outskirts of the city.

My home town is so small, we have part-time village idiot.

“Big foot is blurry… that’s the problem!”

Double your drive space…Delete Windows95.

1. The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire. 2. Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at. 3. No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat. 4. No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection. 5. Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder. 6. Never share a cockpit with someone…

Only in America can a poor black boy turn into a rich white woman… (Michael Jackson)

Short naps prevent aging, especially if taken while driving.