oneliners

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Navy dentist’s licence plate: TOP GUM

* “On the advice of our solicitors, this T-shirt bears no message at this time”. * “That’s it! I’m calling me granny” (seen on a seven-year-old) * “Rehab is for quitters” * “My dog can lick anyone” * “Party – my cot – 2 a.m.” (on a baby-size T-shirt) * “If a woman’s place is…

Why was the little pointy-eared boy down in the dumps? He had low elf-esteem. Why does Santa Claus come down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him.

Trousers: Hot off the press . . . . / – – – I regret writing that. Remorse Code Does anyone here have a giant catapult? No? It was a long shot.. Saw two space hoppers outside a nightclub. I said: ‘Who are you?’ They said: ‘We’re the bouncers’ I had a TV Show about…

“I Give Evolution Two Opposable Thumbs Up.”

I took lessons in bicycle riding, but I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle.

All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way.

Me not on time. (I-(am)-so-late)

I never engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed appoint

I’m a nojoke and nojoke is perfect – therefore, I am perfect.

Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?