oneliners

A gay pornstar doesn’t take as many balls to the face as my 4 year old son playing soccer.

I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everyjoke to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs. Sam Goldwyn.

I wonder who came up with the company People’s Gas and where was their Pepto-Bismal?

Why is it hard for dalmatians to play hide-and-seek? Because they’re always spotted!

Q. Why are families like chocolate? A. They are mostly sweet, with a few nuts!

if stealing kids is kidnapping,is stealing adults oldnapping?

Why is it that there are so many more horses’ asses than there are horses? – G. Gordon Liddy

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Q: What do mice say when they see the moon?? A: “Ooh, Cheese!”

If an item is advertised as “under $50”, you can bet it’s not $19.95.

Why is it that when babies are born they only weigh like 7 lbs. yet the mom weighs 30 lbs. more? Why do they call the small candy bars the “fun sizes”? Wouldn’t be more fun to eat a big one? Why do people say PIN number when that truly means Personal Identification Number Number?…

This was a Typo from Jack-in-the-Box 1. Come in for our new Chihuahua (Chibatta, Don’t ask.)Sandwich. 2. Newspaper Look ravished (ravishing) for your big day. 3. Church Newsletter Come tonight to see famous missionary Bobby Belch. Come hear Bobby Belch from Africa. 4. Sunday School Lesson: Jesus Walks on Water Tonight’s Lesson: Finding Jesus 5.…