oneliners

I never engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed appoint

I’m a nojoke and nojoke is perfect – therefore, I am perfect.

Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?

If a guy is a “chick magnet”, and opposites attract, doesn’t that make him gay?

What is another word for Thesaurus?

JUDGE: “The court can produce a dozen witnesses who saw you rob the bank.” ROBBER: “Big deal! I can bring in hundreds of people who didn’t see it!”

You know you’re ghetto when you carry food stamps in a money clip!

Homework… something you go to school hours for and not do.

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste!

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?