oneliners

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.

When you put ‘THE’ and ‘IRS’ together, it’s an anagram of ‘THEIRS’. Coincidence? I think not!

Any time four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor. Without geometry, life is pointless. When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red. When two egotists meet, it’s…

Friends don’t let friends use Windows95.

I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

One chicken says to the other, “For heaven’s sake, don’t cross the road! We’ll never hear the end of it!”

I don’t exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

Many of you may be too young to remember U.S. comedian Sam Levenson; he was popular from the 1940s through the mid-1960s. Levenson said things that made sense and it would be a shame if they faded into oblivion, so here are a few of his “nuggets” worth assaying. 1. The first screw to get…

A calendar – something that goes in one year and out the other.

A girl’s legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part. — Redd Foxx

Murphy’s Law of Cable TV If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.