oneliners

I’m so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

Q – What do barbed wire and a thong have in common? A – Both protect the property, but neither obstruct the view.

Quick – Cheap – Good Pick 2. – Dennis Robertus.

If ham is Canadian bacon, then what the heck do you Canadians call bacon?

A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Corduroy pillows are making headlines. Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome? Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Banning the bra was a big flop. Sea captains don’t like crew cuts. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? A successful diet is the triumph…

A wise man once said. I Don’t know ask A Girl! A wise man Once Said. Life sucks and then we die.

What do you call a stupid garbage can? A Dumb-ster!

Some people say that I’m superficial, but that’s just on the surface.

Hygiene Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? Jose: Don’t bite any.

A fashionably dressed big cat (dandy lion)

Why don’t women blink during foreplay? They don’t have time.

How are men and parking spots alike? Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely short.