oneliners

Mothers of teens know why animals eat their young.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

Boy: Is your dad a baker? Girl: No. Why? Boy: Cause you’re a cutie pie!!

Joke: Why does Snoop Dogg Carry an umbrella? Answer: For Drizzle my nizzle

I invented a cure for amnesia – but I’ve forgotten what it is!

If you want to make someone laugh, use this line: Sorry. say that again. I couldn’t hear you over my fart.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

Hey, did you hear about the… Paper company that folded? Brake company on the skids? Bra manufacturers that went bust? Surgeon who was forced to take a cut in his salary? Cigarette company that went up in smoke? Baker who was short of dough? Refrigerator manufacturer that had its assets frozen? Corset firm that felt…

What did the Chinese people call their retarded son? Sum Ting Wong

What’s pink and fluffy? Pink fluff!

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?