oneliners

I lent a friend of mine $5000 for plastic surgery. I can’t get it back, because now I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE!

Sadly I will never be able to join a nudist colony..=[ My mother always told me not to point!! =]

There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrnog.

I work at Bed, Bath and Beyond in the ‘Beyond’ dept.

Q. What are the small bumps around a woman’s’ nipples for ? A. They are Braille for “suck here”.

What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a pig? Jurassic pork!

When physics meets Star Wars: May the net force be with you!

Q: What do you call a non-churchgoer? A: A Seventh-Day Absentist

What a bullfighter tries to do. (avoid-a-bull)

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

What do you get when you mix cigarettes in hot water? A soggy butt.

“He who laughs last, thinks slowest.”