oneliners

Atlas is the biggest thief in history, because he held up the whole world.

Why can’t you go to the bathroom at a Beatles concert? There’s no John.

“So what’s your dog’s name?” “I don’t know. He won’t tell me.”

“My karma ran over my dogma.” -Anonymous

When everything is coming your way, you’re on the wrong side of the freeway.

Why was the broom tired? It over swept.

“God give me patience….And make it quick!”

There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

The wife ran into the house, screaming to her actor husband, “Darling, come quick. Your kids and my kids are beating up on our kids!”

I’m trying computer dating, at least I’m not getting dumped… but I do get deleted.

Professionals built the Titanic. An amateur built the ark.

I knocked several times, but you weren’t in. – Opportunity