oneliners

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

DOCTOR: “Do you smoke or drink?” PATIENT: “I didn’t know I had a choice.”

what happened to the lost boy? he came to a house and wrote a joke that was exactly like this except in larger font and with a little more umph ya know what i mean a very humerous joke in fact i do believe he is working on more ya know i lied i ain’t…

What do you get when you cross a praying mantis with a termite? A bug that says grace before eating your house.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.

When you put ‘THE’ and ‘IRS’ together, it’s an anagram of ‘THEIRS’. Coincidence? I think not!

Any time four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor. Without geometry, life is pointless. When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red. When two egotists meet, it’s…

Friends don’t let friends use Windows95.

I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

One chicken says to the other, “For heaven’s sake, don’t cross the road! We’ll never hear the end of it!”

I don’t exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.