oneliners

I don’t exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

Many of you may be too young to remember U.S. comedian Sam Levenson; he was popular from the 1940s through the mid-1960s. Levenson said things that made sense and it would be a shame if they faded into oblivion, so here are a few of his “nuggets” worth assaying. 1. The first screw to get…

A calendar – something that goes in one year and out the other.

A girl’s legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part. — Redd Foxx

Murphy’s Law of Cable TV If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.

Did you hear about the new dictionary for masochists? It has all the words, but they’re not in alphabetical order.

I don’t believe in reincarnation, which is strange, because in a previous existence, I did.

My family has no traditions. We just do the same thing, over and over again, each year.

When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.

The amount of sleep required by the average person is about five minutes more.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. — Jackie Mason

JUST because I have a short attention span doesn’t mean I