oneliners

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember everything.

Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

Have you noticed since most people have a camcorder these days there are not as many people talking about seeing UFOs as there use to be?

Lipstick; (noun) On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear!

Don’t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

I am sure everyone has heard the saying “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Well, I have improved on this saying so that it applies to my life, and here it is. “If it ain’t broke, it ain’t ours!”

When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her…or something like that.

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you -the next time he’s in need.

Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One War Dims Hope for Peace Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge Deer Kill 17,000 Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Astronaut…

I use to feel like I was a man trapped in a woman’s joke, but then I was born.