oneliners

They say one way to build character is to do things you don’t want to do. Every day I do two things I don’t want to do: I get out of bed in the morning and go to bed at night!

What do you do when you’re lonely on an Alaskan cruise? Answer: Go to the window and yell “whale”

Q: What’s a pick up line in a gay bar?? A: Would you like me to push your stool in?

Then there was the model who sat on a broken bottle and cut a good figure.

What did the cat say to the elephant? “………………….meOW!”

– “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence? – If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and drycleaners depressed? – Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as…

Get the last word in: Apologize.

There was a young hooker named Gail whose price was tattooed on her tail. And on her behind, for the sake of the blind, was the same information in Braille.

You know you’re addicted to wocka when your friends say something funny, and you cry out ”LOL, LOL” instead of actually laughing out loud.

From a brunette’s point of view: Blondes may have more fun but hey, at least we can read!

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

1. On a mall child’s cart bag Do not put child in bag (Who does?) 2. On food court restaurant counters Warning: Touching hot surfaces may burn you (Wanna try?) 3a. Bush on war in Iraq “We’re not going to have any casualties.” (Where are we now, huh?) 3b. Bush’s description of the White House…