oneliners

What do Michael Jackson and Speed Racer have in common? They both have a monkey and a small boy in their trunk.

Q: Where do nudists go fishing? A: Moon River. Q: What do you call a singing hot dog in New York, New York? A: Frank Sinatra. Q: What do you call a really smart cow? A: Grade A beef. Q: What song do they play at plumbers’ funerals? A: Taps. Q: Where do you take…

We have all wished for something, but think about this: Hold out your hands, wish in one, and crap in the other. Which hand do you think will get filled up first?

How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs? None. He fell.

What’s a man’s ultimate embarrassment? Having an erection, walking into a wall, and hurting his nose.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work. Why is a river rich? Because it has two banks. What is a foreign ant called? Import-ant. What do ants take when they are ill? Anti-biotics.

Q: What’s green, has 3 eyes, sharp teeth, and blood on its face? A: I don’t know, but it’s on your shoulder!

Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common? A. No ball room

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Race is just a pigment of the imagination.