oneliners

My computer is so old, it has a VHS slot instead of a CD/DVD slot!!!

What did Spock find in the toilet? The captain’s log.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

What is the fastest way to double your money? By folding it in half

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

Who is the ugliest member of wocka? [Name Removed – This joke offends some users – Joke awaiting deletion]

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

If to give a man a fish, he eats for a day, but if you teach a man to fish… He has to buy a license, poles, bait, and sit on his behind for four hours.

too much to pay for corn ([a] buck an ear)

laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and some-one will hear you, but fart and you’re on your own!!

I went to get some paper from the stationery store, but it had moved.

Dyslexia: it can warn without striking! Give and you might receive. Take and be sure of it. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. I’m in a phone booth at the corner of Walk and Don’t Walk. Jealousy is all the fun you think they have. Originality is the…